Bardolph.
Fal.
Bardolph, get thee before to Coventry; fill me
a bottle of sack: our soldiers shall march
through: we'll to Sutton-top-hill to night.
Bard.
Will you give me mony, captain?
Fal.
Lay out, lay out.
Bard.
This bottel makes an angel.
Fal.
And if it do, take it for thy labour; and if it
make twenty, take them all, I'll answer the coynage.
Bid my lieutenant Peto meet me at the town's end.
Bard.
I will, captain; farewel.
[Exit.
Fal.
If I be not asham'd of my soldiers, I am a
sowc'd gurnet: I have mis-us'd the King's Press damnably.
I have got, in exchange of an hundred and
fifty soldiers, three hundred and odd pounds. I press
me none but good housholders, yeomens sons; enquire
me out contracted batchelors, such as had been
ask'd twice on the banes: such a commodity of warm
slaves, as had as lieve hear the devil, as a drum; such
as fear the report of a culverin, worse than a struck-fowl,
or a hurt wild duck. I press me none but such
toasts and butter, with hearts in their bellies no bigger
than pins heads, and they have bought out their
-- 414 --
services: and now my whole Charge consists of ancients,
corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of companies,
slaves as ragged as Lazarus in the painted cloth,
where the Glutton's dogs licked his sores; and such
as indeed were never soldiers, but dis-carded unjust
servingmen, younger sons to younger brothers; revolted
tapsters, and ostlers trade-fall'n, the cankers of
a calm world and a long peace; (19) note
ten times more
dishonourably ragged, than an old-fac'd ancient; and
such have I to fill up the rooms of them that have
bought out their services; that you would think, I had
a hundred and fifty tatter'd Prodigals, lately come from
swine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A mad
fellow met me on the way, and told me, I had unloaded
all the gibbets, and prest the dead bodies. No
eye hath seen such skare-crows: I'll not march through
Coventry with them, that's flat. Nay, and the villains
march wide betwixt the legs, as if they had gyves on;
for, indeed, I had the most of them out of prison.
There's but a shirt and a half in all my company; and
the half shirt is two napkins tack'd together, and
-- 415 --
thrown over the shoulders like a herald's coat without
sleeves; and the shirt, to say the truth, stoll'n from
my Host of St. Albans; or the red-nos'd Inn-keeper of
Daintry. But that's all one, they'll find linnen enough
on every hedge.
Enter Prince Henry, and Westmorland.
P. Henry.
How now, blown Jack? how now, quilt?
Fal.
What, Hal? How now, mad wag, what a devil
dost thou in Warwickshire? My good lord of Westmorland,
I cry you mercy; I thought, your Honour had
already been at Shrewsbury.
West.
'Faith, Sir John, 'tis more than time that I
were there, and you too; but my Powers are there already.
The King, I can tell you, looks for us all;
we must away all to night.
Fal.
Tut, never fear me, I am as vigilant, as a Cat
to steal cream.
P. Henry.
I think, to steal cream, indeed; for thy theft
hath already made thee butter; but tell me, Jack, whose
fellows are these that come after?
Fal.
Mine, Hal, mine.
P. Henry.
I did never see such pitiful rascals.
Fal.
Tut, tut, good enough to toss: food for powder,
food for powder; they'll fill a pit, as well as better;
tush, man, mortal men, mortal men.
West.
Ay, but Sir John, methinks, they are exceeding
poor and bare, too beggarly.
Fal.
Faith, for their poverty, I know not where they
had that; and for their bareness, I am sure, they never
learn'd that of me.
P. Henry.
No, I'll be sworn, unless you call three
fingers on the ribs, bare. But, Sirrah, make haste.
Percy is already in the field.
Fal.
What, is the King encamp'd?
West.
He is, Sir John: I fear, we shall stay too long.
Fal.
Well,
The latter end of a fray, and beginning of a feast,
Fits a dull Fighter, and a keen Guest.
[Exeunt.
-- 416 --
Lewis Theobald [1733], The works of Shakespeare: in seven volumes. Collated with the Oldest Copies, and Corrected; With notes, Explanatory and Critical; By Mr. Theobald (Printed for A. Bettesworth and C. Hitch [and] J. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S11201].
