Costard.
Nath.
Videsne quis venit?
Hol.
Video, & gaudeo.
Arm.
Chirra.
Hol.
Quare Chirra, not Sirrah?
Arm.
Men of Peace, well encountred.
Hol.
Most military, Sir, salutation.
Moth.
They have been at a great feast of languages,
and stole the scraps.
Cost.
O, they have liv'd long on the Alms-basket of
words. I marvel, thy master hath not eaten thee for a
word; for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus:
thou art easier swallow'd than a
flap-dragon.
Moth.
Peace, the peal begins.
Arm.
Monsieur, are you not letter'd?
Moth.
Yes, yes, he teaches boys the horn-book:
What is A B spelt backward with a horn on his head?
Hol.
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
Moth.
Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn. You hear
his learning.
-- 149 --
Hol.
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
Moth.
The third of the five vowels, if you repeat
them; or the fifth, if I.(37) note
Hol.
I will repeat them, a e I—
Moth.
The sheep; the other two concludes it, o, u.
Arm.
Now by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a
sweet touch, a quick venew of wit; snip, snap, quick
and home; it rejoiceth my intellect; true wit.
Moth.
Offer'd by a child to an old man: which is
wit-old.
Hol.
What is the figure? what is the figure?
Moth.
Horns.
Hol.
Thou disputest like an infant; go, whip thy gigg.
Moth.
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will
whip about your infamy(38) note circùm circà; a gigg of
a cuckold's horn.
Cost.
An I had but one penny in the world, thou
shouldst have it to buy ginger-bread; hold, there is
the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou half-penny
purse of wit, thou pidgeon-egg of discretion.
O, that the heav'ns were so pleased, that thou wert but
my bastard! what a joyful father wouldst thou make
me? go to, thou hast it ad dunghill; at the finger's
ends, as they say.
Hol.
Oh, I smell false latine, dunghil for unguem.
Arm.
Arts-man, præambula; we will be singled from
the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house
on the top of the mountain?
Hol.
Or, Mons the hill.
-- 150 --
Arm.
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
Hol.
I do, sans question.
Arm.
Sir, it is the King's most sweet pleasure and
affection, to congratulate the Princess at her Pavilion,
in the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude
call the afternoon.
Hol.
The posterior of the day, most generous Sir, is
liable, congruent, and measurable for the afternoon:
the word is well cull'd, choice, sweet, and apt, I do
assure you, Sir, I do assure.
Arm.
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my
familiar; I do assure ye, my very good friend; for
what is inward between us, let it pass—I do beseech
thee, remember thy curtesie—I beseech thee,
apparel thy head,—and among other importunate and
most serious designs, and of great import indeed
too—but let that pass:—for I must tell thee, it will
please his Grace (by the world) sometime to lean upon
my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger thus
dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but
sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
fable; some certain special honours it pleaseth his
Greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass—
the very all of all is—but sweet heart, I do implore
secrecy—that the King would have me present the
Princess (sweet chuck) with some delightful ostentation,
or show, or pageant, or antick, or fire-work. Now,
understanding that the Curate and your sweet self are
good at such eruptions, and sudden breaking out of
mirth, (as it were) I have acquainted you withal, to the
end to crave your assistance.
Hol.
Sir, you shall present before her the nine Worthies.
Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time,
some show in the posterior of this day, to be rendred
by our assistants at the King's command, and this most
gallant, illustrate and learned gentleman, before the
Princess: I say, none so fit as to present the nine
Worthies.
-- 151 --
Nath.
Where will you find men worthy enough to
present them?
Hol.
Joshua, your self; this gallant man, Judas Macabeus;
this swain (because of his great limb or joint)
shall pass Pompey the great; and the page, Hercules.
Arm.
Pardon, Sir, error: he is not quantity enough
for that Worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end
of his club.
Hol.
Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules
in minority: his Enter and Exit shall be strangling a
snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.
Moth.
An excellent device: for if any of the audience
hiss, you may cry; “well done, Hercules, now
thou crushest the snake;” that is the way to make
an offence gracious, tho' few have the grace to do it.
Arm.
For the rest of the Worthies,
Hol.
I will play three my self.
Moth.
Thrice-worthy gentleman?
Arm.
Shall I tell you a thing?
Hol.
We attend.
Arm.
We will have, if this fadge not, an Antick.
I beseech you, follow.
Hol.
Via! good-man Dull, thou hast spoken no word
all this while.
Dull.
Nor understood none neither, Sir.
Hol.
Allons; we will employ thee.
Dull.
I'll make one in a dance, or so: or I will
play on the taber to the Worthies, and let them dance
the hay.
Hol.
Most dull, honest, Dull, to our Sport away.
[Exeunt.
Lewis Theobald [1733], The works of Shakespeare: in seven volumes. Collated with the Oldest Copies, and Corrected; With notes, Explanatory and Critical; By Mr. Theobald (Printed for A. Bettesworth and C. Hitch [and] J. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S11201].
