Hugh Evans.
Shallow.
Sir Hugh, perswade me not; I will make
a Star-Chamber matter of it: if he were
twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse
Robert Shallow, Esq;
Slen.
In the county of Gloucester, justice
of peace, and Coram.
Shal.
Ay, cousin Slender, and Custalorum.
-- 224 --
Slen.
Ay, and Rato-lorum too; and a gentleman born,
master parson, who writes himself Armigero in any bill,
warrant, quittance, or obligation, Armigero.
Shal.
Ay, that I do, and have done any time these
three hundred years.
Slen.
All his successors, gone before him, have don't;
and all his ancestors, that come after him, may; they
may give the dozen white luces in their Coat.
Shal.
It is an old Coat.
Eva.
The dozen white lowses do become an old
coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast
to man, and signifies love.
Shal.
The luce is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish is an old
Coat.
Slen.
I may quarter, coz.
Shal.
You may by marrying.
Eva.
It is marring, indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal.
Not a whit.
Eva.
Yes, per-lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for your self, in my simple
conjectures; but that is all one: if Sir John Falstaff
have committed disparagements upon you, I am of the
Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to
make atonements and compromises between you.
Sal.
The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.
Eva.
It is not meet, the Council hear of a riot; there
is no fear of Got in a riot: the Council, look you,
shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
riot; take your viza-ments in that.
Shal.
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the
sword should end it.
Eva.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
it; and there is also another device in my prain, which,
peradventure, prings good discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, (2) notewhich is daughter to master George
Page, which is pretty virginity.
-- 225 --
Slen.
Mistress Anne Page? she has brown hair, and
speaks small like a woman.
Eva.
It is that ferry person for all the orld, as just
as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of monies,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death's-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections) give,
when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it
were a good motion, if we leave our pribbles and
prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham
and mistress Anne Page.
Slen.
Did her grand-sire leave her seven hundred
pounds?
Eva.
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Slen.
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good
gifts.
Eva.
Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is good
gifts.
Shal.
Well; let us see honest Mr. Page: is Falstaff
there?
Eva.
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as
I do despise one that is false; or as I despise one that
is not true. The Knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-wishers. I will
peat the door [Knocks.] for master Page. What, hoa?
Got bless your house here.
Enter Mr. Page.
Page.
Who's there?
Eva.
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and
Justice Shallow; and here's young master Slender; that,
peradventures, shall tell you another tale, if matters
grow to your likings.
Page.
I am glad to see your worships well. I thank
you for my venison, master Shallow.
Shal.
Master Page, I am glad to see you; much
good do it your good heart: I wish'd your venison
better; it was ill kill'd. How doth good mistress
Page? and I thank you always with my heart, la; with
my heart.
Page.
Sir, I thank you.
-- 226 --
Shal.
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Page.
I am glad to see you, good master Slender.
Slen.
How do's your fallow greyhound, Sir? I
heard say, he was out-run on Cotsale.
Page.
It could not be judg'd, Sir.
Slen.
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
Shal.
That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
'tis a good dog.
Page.
A cur, Sir.
Shal.
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there
be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff
here?
Page.
Sir, he is within; and I would, I could do a
good office between you.
Eva.
It is spoke, as a christians ought to speak.
Shal.
He hath wrong'd me, master Page.
Page.
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal.
If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not
that so, master Page? he hath wrong'd me; indeed,
he hath; at a word, he hath; believe me, Robert Shallow
Esquire saith, he is wrong'd.
Page.
Here comes Sir John.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym and Pistol.
Fal.
Now, master Shallow, you'll complain of me to
the King?
Shal.
Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd my
deer, and broke open my lodge.
Fal.
But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter.
Shal.
Tut, a pin; this shall be answer'd.
Fal.
I will answer it strait: I have done all this.
That is now answer'd.
Shal.
The Council shall know this.
Fal.
'Twere better for you, if 'twere not known in
Council; you'll be laugh'd at.
Eva.
Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
Fal.
Good worts? good cabbage. Slender, I broke
your head: what matter have you against me?
Slen.
Marry, Sir, I have matter in my head against
you, and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.
-- 227 --
Bar.
You Banbury cheese!
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Pist.
How now, Mephostophilus?
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Nym.
Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: slice, that's my
humour.
Slen.
Where's Simple, my man? can you tell, cousin?
Eva.
Peace: I pray you: now let us understand;
there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand;
that is, master Page; fidelicet, master Page; and there
is my self; fidelicet, my self; and the three party is,
lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.
Mr. Page.
We three to hear it, and end it between
them.
Eva.
Ferry goot; I will make a prief of it in my
note-book, and we will afterwards ork upon the cause
with as great discreetly as we can.
Fal.
Pistol,—
Pist.
He hears with ears.
Eva.
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, he
hears with ear? why, it is affectations.
Fal.
Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse?
Slen.
Ay, by these gloves, did he; (or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards,
that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece,
of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Fal.
Is this true, Pistol?
Eva.
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pist.
Ha, thou mountain foreigner!—Sir John, and master mine,
I Combat challenge of this latten bilboe:(3) note
-- 229 --
Word of denial in thy Labra's here;
Word of denial; froth and scum, thou ly'st.
Slen.
By these gloves, then 'twas he.
Nym.
Be advis'd, Sir, and pass good humours: I
will say marry trap with you, if you run the base humour
on me; that is the very note of it.
Slen.
By this hat, then he in the red face had it;
for tho' I cannot remember what I did when you made
me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Fal.
What say you, Scarlet and John?
Bard.
Why, Sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Eva.
It is his five senses: fie, what the Ignorance is!
Bard.
And being fap, Sir, was, as they say, cashier'd;
and so conclusions past the car-eires.
Slen.
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
matter; I'll never be drunk whilst I live again, but in
honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be
drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of
God, and not with drunken knaves.
Eva.
So Got udg me, that is virtuous mind.
Fal.
You hear all these matters deny'd, gentlemen;
you hear it.
Enter Mistress Anne Page, with wine.
Page.
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink
within.
[Exit Anne Page.
Slen.
Oh heav'n! this is mistress Anne Page.
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.
Page.
How now, mistress Ford?
Fal.
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well
met; by your leave, good mistress.
[Kissing her.
Page.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come,
we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen;
I hope, we shall drink down all unkindness.
[Ex. Fal. Page, &c.
-- 230 --
Manent Shallow, Evans, and Slender.
Slen.
I had rather than forty shillings, I had my
book of songs and sonnets here.
Enter Simple.
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait
on my self, must I? you have not the book of riddles
about you, have you?
Simp.
Book of riddles! why, did you not lend it to
Alice Shortcake (4) noteupon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Martlemas?
Shal.
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you: a
word with you, coz: marry this, coz; there is, as
'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by
Sir Hugh here; do you understand me?
Slen.
Ay, Sir, you shall find me reasonable: if it be
so, I shall do that that is reason.
Shal.
Nay, but understand me.
Slen.
So I do, Sir.
Eva.
Give ear to his motions, Mr. Slender: I will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity
of it.
Slen.
Nay, I will do, as my cousin Shallow says: I
pray you, pardon me; he's a Justice of peace in his
country, simple tho' I stand here.
Eva.
But that is not the question: the question is
concerning your marriage.
Shal.
Ay, there's the point, Sir.
Eva.
Marry, is it; the very point of it, to Mrs.
Anne Page.
-- 231 --
Slen.
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
reasonable demands.
Eva.
But can you affection the 'oman? let us command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips;
for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of
the mind: therefore precisely, can you carry your good
will to the maid?
Shal.
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slen.
I hope, Sir; I will do, as it shall become one
that would do reason.
Eva.
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must
speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards
her.
Shal.
That you must: will you, upon good dowry,
marry her?
Slen.
I will do a greater thing than that upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
Shal.
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz;
what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: can you love the
maid?
Slen.
I will marry her, Sir, at your request: but
if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heav'n
may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we
are marry'd, and have more occasion to know one another:
(5) noteI hope, upon familiarity will grow more
contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her,
that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
Eva.
It is a ferry discretion answer; save, the fall is
in th' ort dissolutely: the ort is, according to our meaning,
resolutely; his meaning is good.
Shal.
Ay, I think, my cousin meant well.
Slen.
Ay, or else I would I might be hang'd, la.
-- 232 --
Enter Mistress Anne Page.
Shal.
Here comes fair mistress Anne: would I were
young for your sake, mistress Anne.
Anne.
The dinner is on the table; my father desires
your worship's company.
Shal.
I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne.
Eva.
Od's plessed will, I will not be absence at the
Grace.
[Ex. Shallow and Evans.
Anne.
Will't please your worship to come in, Sir?
Slen.
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very
well.
Anne.
The dinner attends you, Sir.
Slen.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
Sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
cousin Shallow: [Ex. Simple.] a Justice of peace sometime
may be beholden to his friend for a man. I keep
but three men and a boy yet, 'till my mother be dead;
but what though, yet I live like a poor gentleman
born.
Anne.
I may not go in without your worship; they
will not sit, 'till you come.
Slen.
I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much
as though I did.
Anne.
I pray you, Sir, walk in.
Slen.
I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruis'd
my shin th'other day with playing at sword and dagger
with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of
stew'd prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the
smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so?
be there Bears i'th' town?
Anne.
I think, there are, Sir; I heard them talk'd of.
Slen.
I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel
at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you
see the bear loose, are you not?
Anne.
Ay, indeed, Sir.
Slen.
That's meat and drink to me now; I have
seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him
by the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have
so cry'd and shriek'd at it, that it past: but women,
-- 233 --
indeed, cannot abide 'em, they are very ill-favour'd
rough things.
Enter Mr. Page.
Page.
Come, gentle Mr. Slender, come; we stay for
you.
Slen.
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, Sir.
Page.
By cock and pye, you shall not chuse, Sir;
come; come.
Slen.
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
Page.
Come on, Sir.
Slen.
Mistress Anne, your self shall go first.
Anne.
Not I, Sir; pray you, keep on.
Slen.
Truly, I will not go first, truly-la: I will not
do you that wrong.
Anne.
I pray you, Sir.
Slen.
I'll rather be unmannerly, than troublesome;
you do your self wrong, indeed-la.
[Exeunt.
Re-enter Evans and Simple.
Eva.
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house
which is the way; and there dwells one mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his
wringer.
Simp.
Well, Sir.
Eva.
Nay, it is petter yet; give her this letter; for
it is a o'man that altogethers acquaintance with mistress
Anne Page; and the letter is to desire and require
her to solicit your master's desires to mistress
Anne Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end
of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.
[Exeunt severally.
Lewis Theobald [1733], The works of Shakespeare: in seven volumes. Collated with the Oldest Copies, and Corrected; With notes, Explanatory and Critical; By Mr. Theobald (Printed for A. Bettesworth and C. Hitch [and] J. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S11201].
