King.
To put an end to squabble, strife, and noise,
Shake hands and make it up, my jolly boys. [To Hamlet and Laertes.

Hamlet. (To Laertes)
Sir, I have done you wrong, and sorely rue it,
But, on my word, I didn't go to do it:
Therefore let's make it up;—come, don't be hard on—

Laertes.
Enough; no man can do more than beg pardon.—
We're friends.—

Hamlet.
With all my heart. Come, lets set to.
Bring us the gloves—

Laertes.
And bring me a pair too.

King.
Hamlet, you know the wager.

Hamlet.
Aye, my lord:
You've back'd the worser man tho' on my word.

King.
I'm not afraid; I'm sure you'll not fight shy;
If you don't win, I know at least you'll try.

Laertes.
These gloves are much too tight—another pair—

Hamlet.
Mine fit.—Are his as soft as mine?

Osrick.
All's fair.

King.
If i' th' two first rounds Hamlet hit most blows,
Or 'scape the third without a bloody nose,
Let all the guns we've got make the discovery;—
The King shall drink to Hamlet's quick recovery:
And in the beer this nutmeg shall he pound,
The largest that in Denmark could be found.—
Give me the mug: now drum a loud tattoo;
The drum shall tell the trumpet what to do;
The trumpet's tantarara, post, shall set off,
And tell the cannoneer the guns to let off;
The cannoneer shall fire 'em, and then—stop—
I think I've said enough—I'll drink a drop.

Here's Hamlet's health! (Drums, trumpets, and cannon) Come, now begin the bout.
And you, the judges, keep a sharp look out. Hamlet and Laertes spar.

Hamlet.
A hit.—

Laertes.
No hit.

Osrick.
A hit, I'll bet a crown.

Hamlet.
A hit or not, 't has almost knock'd him down. [Drums, trumpets, and cannon.

King.
Give me the beer: this nutmeg is for you. [Puts poison into the drink.
Hamlet, your health (pretends to drink). You'd better drink some too.

Hamlet.
Let's have this round; when I want drink I'll ask it. (They fight again.)
Egad, I had him there in the bread-basket (l)8Q0026.

Queen.
Hamlet, your health. (drinks) Ha! this is famous stingo!

King.
Don't drink.

Queen.
I have.

King.
The poison'd cup, by jingo! [Aside.

Laertes.
I'll nab him;—but it goes against my conscience. [Aside.

Hamlet.
Laertes, you're afraid to hit.

Laertes.
Pooh! nonsense. They fight again—Hamlet knocks Laertes down.—The Queen swoons.

Osrick.
Look to the Queen. (To Laertes) How is't, my lord?

Laertes.
I'm dish'd;
I'm caught as neatly as I could have wish'd.

Hamlet.
How does the Queen?

King.
To see your bloody noses,
Her stomach-royal slightly indisposes.

Queen.
No, no; I'm poison'd:—your damn'd uncle, here,
Has mix'd a deadly poison with the beer.—
'Tis now too late—I've had a precious swig—
If I'm not a dead woman—dash my wig (m)8Q0027. [Dies.

Hamlet.
O, treachery! I'll smoke it on my oath.

Laertes.
O, Hamlet! 'tis all dickey with us both (n)8Q0028:
You've done my business by a blow, 'tis true;
But I—Oh! I—have done the same for you.
You're mother's poison'd;—dying, here I lie—
The King's to blame—

Hamlet.
Die, damn'd old murd'rer, die. [Kills the King.

Laertes.
You've serv'd him right. Hamlet, let's square accounts;
Tho' there's some little diff'rence in amounts:

Mine, and my father's death, 'gainst your's be reckon'd—
Now, then, I'm off.— [Dies.

Hamlet.
I'll follow in a second.—
You that look pale, and quiver, quirk, and quake,
And scarce know what of this sad scene to make—
O, I could tell—for there's a great deal in it—
I'm dead,—(o)8Q0029 at least, I shall be in a minute—
But promise me, before I wish good night,
Horatio, that you'll tell my story right.

Horatio.
No, I'll die too—here's poison in the cup—
I'll play the Roman, and I'll drink it up.

Hamlet.
Give me the cup; you shall not have a drop—
For here you must a little longer stop.
If e'er you lov'd me—live—my tale to tell—
And then—I care not if you go—to h&wblank;ll.—
That last cross-buttock dish'd me—Oh!—I can't get on—
Here goes, Horatio,—(p) going—(p) going—(p)8Q0030 gone. [Dies.

Horatio.
Well, here's a noble fellow gone to pot!—
This altogether's been a pretty plot!

To see dead bodies strew'd about like cattle,
Were better suited to the field of battle.
Charon, in safety, o'er the Styx will ferry 'em;
And all that we can do now—is to bury 'em. [A dead march. [The curtain falls. THE END OF HAMLET TRAVESTIE.

ANNOTATIONS BY Dr. JOHNSON, AND GEORGE STEEVENS, Esq. AND OTHER COMMENTATORS.
&lblank; Commentators each dark passage shun,
And hold their farthing candle to the sun. Young.

ANNOTATIONS. ACT THE FIRST. ^note