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Anon. [1672], [The Grave-makers, in] The wits; or, sport upon sport. In Selected Pieces of drollery, Digested into scenes by way of dialogue Together with Variety of Humours of several Nations, fitted for the Pleasure and Content of all Persons, either in Court, City, Country, or Camp. The like never before Published. Part. I (Printed by E. C. for Fancis Kirkman [etc.], London) [word count] [S41302].
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ACTORS NAMES. Grave-maker [Gravemaker], and his Man. Hamlet, and his Friend. [Gentleman 1], [Gentleman 2]

Main text Enter two to dig the Grave.

Is she to be buried in Christian burial, when she wilfully seeks her own Salvation?

Man.

I tell thee she is, therefore make her Grave streight; the Crowner hath sat on her, and finds it Christian burial.

Grav.

How can that be, unless she dromn'd her self, in her own defence.

Man.

Why 'tis found so.

-- 57 --

Grav.

It must be so offended, it cannot be else; for here lies the point, if I drown my self willingly it argues an act, and an act hath three branches, it is to act, to do, to peaform, or all; she drown'd her self wittingly.

Man.

Nay, but hear you good man Delver.

Grav.

Give me leave, here lyes the water, good, here stands the man, good, if the man go to this water and drown himself, it is nill he, will he, he goes, mark you that: but if the water come to him and drowns him; he drowns not himself; argall, he that is not guilty of his own death, shortens not his own Life.

Man.

But is this Law.

Grav.

I marry is't, Crowners quest Law.

Man.

Will you have the truth on't, if this had not been a Gentlewoman, she should have been buried out a Christian burial.

Grav.

VVhy there thou say'st, and the more pitty that great folk should have countenance in this VVorld to drown or hang themselves, more then meaner christians, come my spade, there is no antient Gentlemen but Gardiners, ditchers and Gravemakers, they hold up Adams profession.

Man.

VVas he a Gentleman?

Grav.

He was the fiest that ever bore Armes. I'le put another question to thee, if thou answer'st me not to the purpose, confess thy self.

Man.

Go to.

Grav.

V[illeg.]hat is he that builds stronger then either the Mason, the Ship-wright or the Carpenter?

Man.

The Gallowes maker, for that out lives a thousand Tenants.

Grav.

I like thy wit well in good faith, the Gallowes does well, but how does it well? it does well to those that do ill, now thou dost ill to say the Gallowes is built stronger then the Church; Argall the Gallows may do [illeg.]ell to thee, to't again; come.

-- 58 --

Man.

Who builds stronger then a Mason, a Ship-wright or a Carpenter.

Grave.

I, tell me that and unyoke.

Man.

Marry now I can tell.

Grave.

To't.

Man.

Mass I cannot tell.

Grave.

Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull Ass will not mend his pace with beeting, and when you are ask this question next, say a Grave-maker, the houses he makes last till Doomesday, go get thee in and fetch me a soop of Liquor.


Sings.
In youth when I did love, did love
  Methought it was very sweet,
To contract, O the time for a my behove,
  O methought there was nothing a meet. Enter two Gentlemen.

1. Gent.

Has this fellow no feeling of his business? a sings in Grave making.


Sings. 1. Grave.
But age with his stealing steps
  Hath clawed me in his clutch,
And hath shipped me into the Land,
  As if I had never been such.

Ham.

That skul had a tongue in it, & could sing once, how the knave jowles it to the ground, as if 'twere Caines Jaw-bone, that did the first murder: this might be the pate of a pollitician which this Ass now o're-reaches, one that would circumvent God, might it not?

2 Gent.

It might Sir.

Ham.

Or of a Courtier, which could say, good morrow my Lord, how dost thou sweet Lord? this might be my Lord such a one, that praised my Lord such a ones Horse when he meant to beg it, might it not?

2. Gent.

I Sir.

-- 59 --

Hamlet.

Why ee'n so, and now my Lady Wormes [illeg.]hoples, and knocks about the mazer with a Sextons spade [illeg.]heres fine revolution, and we hae the trick to see't, did these bones cost no more breeding but to play at Loggits with 'em? mine ake to think on't.


Grave.
  A Pickaxe and a Spade a spade
For and a shrowdiug sheet,
  O a pit of Clay for to be made
For such a Guest is meet.

Ham.

There's another, why may not that be the Skul of a Lawyer? where be his quiddities now? his quillities. his cases, his termes, and his tricks? why does he suffer [illeg.]his mad knave now to knock him about the sconce with a durty shovel, and will not tell him of his actions of battery? hum: this fellow might be in's time a great buyer of Land, with his statutes, rogguizance, his fines, his double vouchers, his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine durt, will vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and doubles, then the length and breadth of a pair of Indentures? the very conveyances of his Land will scarcely lye in this box, and must the Inheritor himself have no more? Ha?

Friend.

Not a jot more Sir.

Ham.

Is not parchment made of Sheep skins.

Friend.

I Sir, and of Calves skins too.

Ham.

They are Sheep and Calves which seek out assurance in that. I will speak to this Fellow, whose Grave's this sirrah.

Gravemaker.

Mine sir, or a pit of clay for to be made:

Ham.

I think it's thine indeed, for thou ly'st in't.

Gravem.

You lye out on't sir, and therefore 'tis not yours, for my part I do not lye in't, yet it is mine.

Ham.

Thou dost lye in't, to be in't and say it is thine, 'tis for the dead, not for the quick, therefore thou ly'st.

Gravem.

'Tis a quick lye sir, 'twil again from me to

-- 60 --

you.

Ham.

What man dost thou dig it for?

Gravem.

For no Man Sir.

Ham.

What woman then.

Gravem.

For none neither.

Ham.

VVho is to be buryed in't,

Gravem.

One that was a woman Sir, but rest her soul she's dead.

Ham.

How long hast thou been a Grave-maker.

Gravem.

Of the days i'th year I came to't, that [illeg.] that our last King Hamlet overcame Fortinbrass.

Ham.

How long is that since?

Gravem.

Cannot you tell that, ever fool can tell that it was that very day that young Hamlet was born, h[illeg.] that is mad, and sent into England.

Ham.

I marry, why was he seut into England.

Gravem.

VVhy, because he was mad, a shall recover his wits there, or if he do not, 'tis no great matter there.

Friend.

Why?

Gravem.

'Twil not be seen in him there, there are Men as mad as he.

Friend.

How came he mad.

Gravem,

Very strangely they say.

Ham.

How strangely.

Gravem.

Faith ee'n with loosing his wits.

Ham.

Upon what ground;

Gravem.

Why here in Denmark: I have been Sex[illeg.] here man and boy thirty years.

Ham.

How long will a man lye 'ith earth e're he rot[illeg.]

Gravem.

Faith if he be [illeg.] rotten before he dye, as w[illeg.] have many pocky cours[illeg.] at will scarce hold the laying in, a will last you some eight year or nine year, a Tanner will last you nine year.

Friend,

Why he more then another.

Gravem.

Why Sir his Hide is so tan'd with his Trade[illeg.] that a will keep out water a great while, and your water[illeg.]

-- 61 --

[illeg.] a sore decayer of your whorson dead body: here's a [illeg.]ull now hath lain you i'th earth tweenty three years.

Ham.

Whose was it?

Gravem.

A whorson mad fellow it was, whose do ye think it was.

Ham.

I know not.

Grave.

A pestilence on him for a mad Rogue, a powr'd [illeg.]flaggon of Rhenish on my head once; this same scull sir, was Sir Yoricks the Kings Jester.

Ham.

This.

Gravem.

'Een that.

Ham.

Alas poor Yorick, I knew him friend, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excelleut fancy, but where be your Gibes now, your Gamboles, your Songs of merryment? [illeg.]uite chop fal'n? prithee friend tell me one thing.

Friend.

What's that Sir.

Ham.

Dost thou think Alexander look: a this fashion [illeg.]ith earth.

Friend.

'Een so.

Ham.

And smelt so? pah.

Friend.

'Een so Sir.

Ham.

To what base uses may we return? why may not [illeg.]magination trace the noble dust of Alexander, till a find [illeg.]t stopping a Bung-hole.

Friend.

'Twere to consider, too curiously to consider [illeg.]o.

Ham.

No faith not a jot, but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: Alexander dyed, Alexander was buryed, Alexander returned to dust, [illeg.]he dust is Earth, of Earth w[illeg.] make Lome, and why of [illeg.]hat Lome whereto he was converted, might they not top a Beer-barrel.



Imperial Cæsar dead, and turn'd to clay,
Might stop a hole to keep the wind away;
Oh that that Earth which kept the world in awe
Should patch a wall t'expel the water flaw.
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Anon. [1672], [The Grave-makers, in] The wits; or, sport upon sport. In Selected Pieces of drollery, Digested into scenes by way of dialogue Together with Variety of Humours of several Nations, fitted for the Pleasure and Content of all Persons, either in Court, City, Country, or Camp. The like never before Published. Part. I (Printed by E. C. for Fancis Kirkman [etc.], London) [word count] [S41302].
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