SCENE I.
The Bull.
Ford. Host.
Ford.
A Frolick!
Host.
I tell you a meer Frolick.
Ford.
A Frolick to break both one's Shoulder Blade Bones! And thus
I return your Frolick.
Strikes him.
Host.
Nay, Brother, what do you mean?
Ford.
Nay, nothing but a Frolick.
Host.
Why, Brother?
Ford.
A meer Frolick.
Striking him.
Host.
Hear me a little.
Ford.
No, Sir, I ll hear nothing, I have felt too much.
Host.
Hear me but a word.
Ford.
What should I hear?
Host.
I must wheadle him to get out of his Hands, and to be reveng'd. I tell
you this, at the first was design'd to be an Innocent Frolick; but something has
lately happened, that has made me repent of it from the very bottom of my Soul.
Ford.
That is, that you have been beaten for it.
Host.
I tell you I have made a discovery.
Ford.
What discovery?
Host.
Look you, Brother, you have your Whimsies and your Vagaries, but still
you are my Brother and my Friend, Look you, nay, my dear Friend, and it goes
to my very Soul to see you abus'd, I cannot see you wrong'd, tho she were twenty
times my Sister.
Ford.
Why, pray what of your Sister?
Host.
Why, it seems, she has had a meeting here with Sir John Falstaffe.
Ford.
She has? And are not you a pretty Fellow to suffer such a meeting in your
House? Oh you Pander, you Beast! What Pimp for your own Sister?
Host.
Nay, good Brother, I knew nothing of it till the business was over.
Ford.
Till the business was over! Very good! Till the business was over! When
was this business pray?
Host.
Why, they were together since you were in the House.
Ford.
'Tis impossible.
Host.
'Tis certain.
-- 30 --
Ford.
How could he escape me!
Host.
By a very ridiculous accident.
Ford.
Where is he now?
Host.
Shifting himself below by the Parlour Fire.
Ford.
Shifting himself! Bless me, what will become of me? (aside.) Has he so
much occasion for shifting then?
Host.
He is so wet, that you may take him, and ring him again.
Ford.
He has been at Dev'lish hard exercise.
Enter Servant.
Serv.
Is there one Mr Broom here?
Host.
No, Sirrah!
Ford.
Sirrah, who asks for him?
Serv.
Sir John Falstaffe.
Ford.
Tell him there is, and desire him to walk up.
Host.
What do you mean, Brother?
Ford.
Why, my name is Broom?
Host.
Broom?
Ford.
Ay, Broom, if you are my Friend, as you say you are, my name is Broom,
do you see. I have told all your Servants so, I have had an Item of what you tell
me, and am come to Fathom the Knight.
Host.
I understand you.
Ford.
And you will be true to me?
Host.
I will upon my Soul: But here comes the Knight, I leave you to him.
Ex. Host.
Enter Falstaffe, Drawer.
Falst.
Drawer, I say.
Draw.
Here, Sir.
Falst.
Go fetch me a quart of Sack, put a Tost in it. (Exit Drawer.) Have I
lived to be carried in a Basket like a Barrow of Butchers offal, and to be thrown
in the Thames? Well, if I be serv'd such another trick, I'll have my Brains ta'n out
and Butter'd, and give them to a Dog for a New years Gift.
(Enter Drawer with Sack.
Ford.
Bless you, Sir.
Falst.
Now, Master Broom, you come to know what hath past between me and
Fords Wife?
Ford.
That indeed, Sir John, is my business.
Falst.
Let us do nothing rashly, Master Broom, a Bumper to you, Master Broom,
I will not lie to you. (Drinks) We met together here at the time appointed.
Ford.
What, since I saw you?
Falst.
Just now, I tell you.
Ford.
Very good!
Falst.
We met and embrac'd, and kiss'd and protested, and spoke the Prologue to
our Amorous Play.
Ford.
And so the Curtain was pull'd up, and the Play begun?
Falst.
Not so fast, Master Broom?
Ford.
Why, how then, Sir John?
Falst.
Why, before I could bring the business to bear, you must know, that as
the Devil would have it, while I was rapt with my expectation of being taken up
into Paradice, and plung'd over Head and Ears in delight, why I was hoisted upon
the Shoulders of six Brawny Slaves, carried, Master Broom, to the Waterside, and
so us'd over Head and Ears in the Thames Water.
-- 31 --
Ford.
How? O blessed turn! I can hardly contain my joy.
(aside.)
Falst.
Drawer, take away these Chalices; go Brew me a Pottle of Sack finely.
Draw.
With Eggs, Sir?
Falst.
Simple of itself.
Ford.
Well, and how, Sir John? Ha!
Falst.
Why, Master Broom, if I tell you a Syllable of a Lye, spit in my Face,
call me Horse: The Rogues slighted me into the River with as little Remorse, as
they would have drown'd a blind Bitches Puppies, fifteen in the litter. And you may
know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep
as Hell I should down. I had been drown'd, but that the shore was Shelvy and Shallow,
a death that I abhor, for the Water swells a man; and what a thing should
I have been when I had been swelled, I should have been a Mountain of Mummy.
Ford.
Ha! but how could this happen, Sir John? Did Ford's Wife change her
determination?
Falst.
No, Master Broom, but the Peaking Cornuto her Husband, Master Broom,
dwelling in a continual alarum of Jealousie, comes me in the instant of our being
together, and at his Heels a rabble of his Companions, thither provok'd, and instigated
by his Distemper, and forsooth to search the House for his Wifes Love.
Ford.
What, while you were here?
Falst.
While I was here.
Ford.
And did he search for you, and could not find you?
Falst.
You shall hear: As good luck would have it, in comes a Servant, and
gives notice of Ford's approach, and in a little Dapper Bullies invention, and Ford's
Wives distraction, they convey'd me into a Buck-basket.
Ford.
A Buck-basket?
Falst.
Yea! a Buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul Shirts and Smocks, Socks, foul
Stockings, greasie Napkins, that, Master Broom, there was the rankest Compound
of villanous smell that ever offended Nostril.
Ford.
And how long lay you there?
Falst.
Nay, you shall hear, Master Broom, what I have suffer'd to bring this Woman
to evil, for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, six lusty Slaves, as I
told you before, were called to carry me in the name of foul Cloaths to the bucking.
They took me on their Shoulders, met the jealous Cuckoldly Knave Ford in
the door, who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their Basket? I quak'd
for fear, lest the Lunatick Knave would have searched it. But fate ordaining he
should be a Cuckold, held his hand: Well, on went he for a search, and away
went I for Foul Cloaths: But mark the sequel, Master Broom, I suffer'd the pangs
of three several Deaths. First, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous
rotten Belweather; next to be compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circumference of
a peck, Hilt to Point, Heel to Head. And then to be stopt in like a strong distillation,
with stinking Cloaths that fretted in their own Grease. Think of that, a
man of my Kidney, think of that. I that am as subject to heat as Butter, a man
of continual dissolution and thaw. It was a miracle to scape Suffocation; and in the
height of this Bath, when I was more than half stew'd in Grease, (like a Dutch
Dish) to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that Serge like a
Horshoe, Hissing hot think of that, Master Broom.
Ford.
Ha, ha, (aside.) I can hardly forbear laughing. Why this comes of dallying,
Sir John, why did not you urge your success at the first?
-- 32 --
Falst.
Urge my success! why there's it. Why I did urge my success you must
know; but the Devil urged against me at the same time. For between my first
meeting Mrs Ford and the Cuckolds arrival, there happened things, Master Broom,
that shame will not let me disclose.
Ford.
We should conceal nothing from our Friends, Sir John?
Falst.
Why you are in the right of it. I faith we should not, you must know
then, that just as we had spoke the Prologue to our Play, and Tory rory was about
to begin, there comes me in a swaggerer, a disbanded Officer, with half a dozen
swinging Rogues at his Heels; knocks me down flat before I was aware; while his
crew of Ragamuffins bound me hand and foot in a trice.
Ford.
Ha! a little Dapper Fellow, with a red Feather in his Cap.
Falst.
A Dapper Fellow, why do you think I am to be come over thus by a Dapper
Fellow, if he was not seven foot high at least I am a Jew, an Hebrew Jew. A
lie for the credit of my Courage is lawful.
(aside.)
Ford.
Well! and what follow'd upon your being bound, Sir John?
Falst.
Why, my Hectoring Officer seizes me upon Fords Wife, and conveys her
into the next Room.
Ford.
Into the Bed-chamber?
Falst.
Into the Bed chamber.
Ford.
Zounds, and why did not you cry out?
Falst.
Yea, marry, to whom?
Ford.
To whom? To the man of the House.
Falst.
A Rogue, a very Rogue! He will Pimp for his Grandmother. Why this
to him is Ale and Nutmeg. Why did I not cry out quotha? Why did not she cry
out, if you go to that?
Ford.
'Sheart, if the Master is such a Rascal, why did not you call to the Servants?
Falst.
Yea marry, with a Gag in my Chops.
Ford.
Were you Gagg'd?
Falst.
With a Gag of at least 5 inches long, or I am an errant Villain.
Ford.
Mercy upon me!
Falst.
You see what I have suffered for your sake, Master Broom?
Ford.
The very thoughts distracts me. How long were they in the Bed Chamber
together?
Falst.
Till the Cuckolds arrival, upon which I was basketed, as I told you before.
Ford.
Oh—Oh—
Falst.
You are too much concerned, Master Broom.
Ford.
The very thought of your usage runs like a Dagger thro me? Oh, that I
had but the Villain here! S'Death I could grind the Dog, I could tear him.
Falst.
I faith, I wish you had been but by.
Ford.
Ah would to Heaven I had! ah by Jove I'd have mawl'd the Dog, I'd have
teach'd him to have us'd any Friend at that rate, I'd, I'd, I'd—
Falst.
You take on like a Friend, Master Broom, and I like a Friend must admister
comfort to you; we are sufferers indeed, my Lad, but we are not the only sufferers.
The Cuckold has had his share. Ford has been cudgell'd, you must know,
damnably cudgell'd, and by a little diminutive Blade that was Pimp to the Pully
-- 33 --
Rock. He has it fore and aft e'faith, Master Broom, and now his Shoulders can't
laugh at his Forehead.
Ford.
Who told ye this?
Falst.
I heard so, as I was shifting me below at the Fire.
Ford.
Mrs Page then, and my Jade Pimp for one another, I could find in my
Heart to murther her. (aside.) Well Sir, John, I am sorry that for my sake you
have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate? you'll undertake her no more?
Falst.
Well, if I should not, now you know you have gain'd your point. For
now you are certain that Ford's Wife has been false to him.
Ford.
Ay, but how shall I prove it, Sir John, for she you may be sure will deny
it, you'll undertake her no more then!
Falst.
Look you, Master Broom, I will be thrown into Ætna, as I have been into
the Thames, e're I will leave her thus. I have received from her another Embassy,
to excuse what has happen'd, and she and Page's Wife have promis'd to meet me
again to night. We meet in Masks.
Ford.
In Masks? Why so?
Falst.
Why to prevent surprize, Master Broom, for this plaguy Cuckold has certainly
got the wind of our affair.
Ford.
And may a man know when and where, Sir John?
Falst.
They have not agreed upon that, my Boy, as soon as they have, I expect another
Messenger from them. But, Mum, not a word of this, my little Lad, for
fear it should come to the Cuckolds ear.
Ford.
I warrant you.
Enter Host.
Host.
Sir John, a Messenger below would speak with you.
Falst.
Gad so, I come, I come, master Broom, I will be with you again immediately;
but before I go, let me commend you to mine honest Host, Master Broom,
you must know, is in Love with Mrs Ford, and you are to do him a good turn, do
you see.
Host.
What do mean, Sir John?
Falst.
Ay do mine Host, dissemble a little. Lord, Lord, how the world is given
to Hypocrisie.
Host.
Why, don't you know, Sir John, that Mrs Ford is my own Sister?
Falst.
Why, if she were thy Aunt, or thy Grand-mother, man, there is the more
reputation to be gotten. My Master Broom here is one of us, and will think but
the better of thee. Come, come, thou hast pimp'd honestly and fairly for me, and
thou shalt do it for my friend here. Thou givest me thy promise?
Host.
My promise, for what?
Falst.
That my Master Broom here shall lie with Mrs Ford.
Host.
That I think I may venture to promise.
Falst.
So then, my Lads, I leave you for a moment together.
Exit Falst.
Ford.
Very good, Sir, now I have you alone, I hope you expect a suitable return
to the extraordinary obligations I have to you.
Host.
Why I hope, Brother, there is no harm in promising to help a man to the
Wife of his bosom.
Ford.
Oh by no means, Sir! And what say you to the Swash-buckler that was
here just now? Was she the Wife of his bosom too?
Host.
What Swash-buckler?
-- 34 --
Ford.
Why the swinging raw-bon'd Raskal that lay with her in the next room
just now.
Host.
Why, really Brother, you are not well, you ought to take Physick.
Ford.
Ay Sir, you have taken care I thank ye of that, Sir, since my Wife lyes
with disbanded Officers, I shan't be long I suppose without taking Physick.
Host.
Why, are you mad?
Ford.
I have cause enough to be so. But are not you an Egregious Sot thus to
provoke a Mad man? Oh you are a notable Fellow to suffer your own Sister to be
Ravish'd in your own House.
Host.
Ravish'd!
Ford.
Ravish'd! I know not what you call Ravish'd; but she was taken forcibly
from Falstaffe, and carried to the Bed-Chamber, while the poor old Knight lay
bound and gagg'd on the floor.
Host.
Falstaffe bound and gagg'd in my House?
Ford.
Ay, Sir!
Host.
For Heaven's sake when?
Ford.
Why e'en just now, Sir.
Host.
Who told you this?
Ford.
Why, e'en Sir John himself, Sir.
Host.
Good Heavens! And are you acquainted with the Character of Sir John no
better? Is not all his conversation larded at this rate, with lyes as gross and palpable
as their Inventer?
Ford.
But for what Reason should he tell me such a lye as this is?
Host.
VVhy if there has been so much as the likeness of a man in this part of the
House to day, excepting your self, my own Family and Mrs Page in Breeches, I
am the errantst Villain upon Earth.
Ford.
But for what reason should he tell me this, and with so much concern too?
Host.
I don't know Mrs Page has us'd him like a Dog, and perhaps the care that
he has of his Reputation has thrown him upon this invention.
Ford.
Ha! That may be (aside.) VVell, but Sir John Falstaffe charg'd you to
your face with pimping for him: And you were so modest as to be silent. I hope
you will plead guilty at least to that.
Host.
I must confess, Brother, I make Sir John believe some such thing, in order
to the entring into his Secrets, and to the gaining his Confidence, that I may prevent
the Dishonour that is design'd to my Sister, and the affront that is intended
to you. But you will never know your Friends.
Ford.
Humh! There is some colour of Truth in this. But how shall I know that
it is not only colour?
Host.
VVhy you may be certain of my Sincerity by the Discovery I am going to
make. Sir John and my Sister are to have another meeting to night; they are to
meet in Masks.
Ford.
Nay then, Brother, I beg your pardon. You are my friend, and give me
your hand. Falstaffe has already told me of this meeting, and I suppose the Messenger
that is below with him is come to appoint the time and place.
Host.
Those I am already acquainted with: The Time is midnight, the Place
Hern the Hunters Oak in the Park.
Ford.
Midnight! a very odd time! And Hern's Oak in the Park! A very odd place!
Host.
There is an old Tale goes, that Hern the Hunter, some time a Keeper here
in Windsor Forest, does all the winter time, at dead of night, walk round about an
Oak, with huge Ragged Horas. And there he blasts the Trees, and smites the
-- 35 --
Cattel, and makes milch Kine yield Blood, and shakes a Chain in a most hideous
and dreadful manner. You have heard of such a Spirit, and well you know the superstitious
Blockheads our Ancestors, receiv'd and deliver'd down to us this tale of
Hern the Hunter for a truth.
Ford.
Why there are several yet, that are afraid to walk by this Tree in the dead of
Night. But what of this?
Host.
This Hunter Falstaffe is to represent. Now Brother, I have had a lucky
thought come into my Head for your advantage. The time of appointment is midnight,
now will I send to your Wife a Messenger, who shall pretend that he comes from
Falstaffe; and desire for some important reasons, that the meeting may be precisely
upon the stroak of twelve.
Ford.
And what advantage shall I have from this?
Host.
Why, you shall send home word to your Wife, that upon receiving Letters
of great importance, you are obliged to take Post for London this evening; and when
that is done, you shall lie conceal'd here till twelve, and then we will dress you in
Falstaffe's shape, which is luckily drying below at the Fire, and putting a pair of
Horns on your Head, send you to Hern's Oak, before Falstaffe's time is come, and there
you may make a plain discovery whether you deservedly wear them or no.
Ford.
Death! A very good contrivance! But will you be true to me in this business?
Will you make no discovery to my Wife?
Host.
No, upon my credit. No, you jealous Fool! (aside.) she loves you too
well, if she knows who you are, to take the Revenge of you that I design for you.
Enter Servant.
Serv.
Sir John Falstaffe desires to speak with you both below: Be pleas'd to walk
in here, Sir, the Company's going.
Enter Fenton and young Mrs Page.
Fenton.
Come Madam, Unkle Ford, I beg your Pardon, for intruding thus into
your Room.
Ford.
Oh, Nephew, you are very welcome, I am just a going, your Servant Mrs
Page.
Mrs A.
Sir, your Servant.
Ford. (aside.)
Here is more sport going on. This House is like to be very famous.
Exeunt Ford, Host.
Fent.
What makes you tremble so?
Mrs A.
I die with apprehension.
Fent.
Rely firmly on me.
Mrs A.
For Heav'ns sake let me go.
Fent.
If you go, you ruin your self and me for ever.
Mrs A.
Why do you talk thus?
Fent.
If you go, before I have said what I have to impart to you, ill Fate will never
let me see you more.
Mrs A.
Your words have set me on the Rack.
Fent.
Stay but some moments longer, and nothing but Fate can part us.
Mrs A.
You know the charge that my Father and Mother have giv'n me, and they
are both below, and Sup here.
Fent.
Let not the thought of them give you any disturbance.
Mrs A.
Hs soon as they miss me, they'll be searching over the House immediately.
Fent.
I will not only make you mine to night, but oblige them in spight of their
Souls to help you to me themselves.
-- 36 --
Mrs A.
You rave.
Fent.
I do not.
Mrs A.
By what miracle can you bring this about?
Fent.
You know I told you of a design this morning, that I had put Sir John Falstaffe
upon, of making Love to your Mother and Mrs Ford.
Mrs A.
You did, and they have since had a very ridiculous meeting.
Fenton.
That meeting has answer'd my expectation, and giv'n such entertainment
to Mrs Ford and your Mother, that it has diverted the latter from the design that she
had of marrying you privately this very day to Caius.
Mrs A.
What signifies a days Reprieve to one, who is is appointed to die at night!
They are to have another meeting in the Park to night.
Fent.
By my contrivance.
Mrs A.
By your contrivance?
Fent.
I obliged my Aunt Ford, in order to the making me happy, to perswade your
Mother to this second meeting.
Mrs A.
You have made yourself and me eternally miserable. My Mother would
make use of this opportunity, to oblige me to marry Caius. They meet in Masks it
seems.
Fent.
Yes, and Caius is to be there in Womens Apparel, in order to the carrying
you off with the less suspicion.
Mrs A.
O Heavens! And is this too by your contrivance?
Fent.
It is, I prevail'd upon Mrs Ford, to propose this Stratagem to your Mother, as
a sure expedient for the joyning you and Caius.
Mrs A.
Am I alas betray'd then? And is my passion your scorn, perfidious man?
Fent.
Scorn thee! Let me be the scorn of Knavish Fools first, contempt of thee
would be Sacriledge.
Mrs A.
Then what can you mean by this?
Fent.
This was the only way to secure you mine.
Mrs A.
When you know all, you'll be oblig'd to own it's a strange one.
Fent.
If it had not been for this expedient, your Mother had not suffer'd you to go
to this Masquerade; but now I have an opportunity of making you for ever mine,
while Caius embraces a Cloud in the shape of his Goddess: That Caius may know
you are to be drest in yellow, is it not so?
Mrs A.
Too true, alas! This very design of my Mother has for ever undone us.
Fent.
You are too fearful.
Mrs A.
Hear me out, and tell me so afterwards, some body has disclosed this design
to my Father.
Fent.
'Twas I, that by the means of mine Host of the Garter, discovered this design
to Shallow, and he disclos'd it to your Father.
Mrs A.
You amaze me! What could oblige you to make this discovery to countermine
your own designs?
Fent.
You never was more mistaken.
Mrs A.
My Father has enjoyn'd me upon my filial Obedience to stay at home, and
to marry Caius in the absence of my Mother.
Fent.
This discovery makes your Father and Mother countermine each other, and
secures success to me: Sir Hugh the Welsh Priest is the great promoter of Slender's cause
with your Father.
Mrs A.
What of him?
-- 37 --
Fent.
He has been dexterously wrought on by us, to make your Father retract his
resolution of obliging you to stay at home, and to perswade him that this is a glorious
opportunity of turning your Mothers Stratagem back upon her, and routing her
with her own Artillery.
Mrs A.
As how, pray?
Fent.
Your Father will immediately retract his orders, and enjoyn you to be at the
Mask; but will politickly oblige you at the same time to conceal this retractation from
your Mother, and to pretend that you steal thither out of pure complyance to her.
Mrs A.
For what end should he do this?
Fent.
Why Slender, who is to be there adorn'd like a Bona Roba, will by this means,
as your Father imagines, have an opportunity off carrying you of, without giving
any mistrust to your Mother.
Mrs A.
Who gives you all this intelligence?
Fent.
I tell you, mine Host of the Garter, who apparently favours Slender, and manages
the whole design for me. But one thing I had almost forgot, when your Father
commands you to name the colour of the Habits, which must distinguish you to
Slender, be sure you remember to appoint Red.
Mrs A.
My Mother designs Yellow for me.
Fent.
For that very reason I entreat you to name Red to your Father.
Mrs A.
But which of them would you advise me to wear? Red or Yellow.
Fent.
Can you ask it? To which have you a mind to be link'd in W
Wedlock to Caius
or Squire Slender?
Mrs A.
To neither.
Fent.
Why then you must wear neither Red nor Yellow. Let me alone to send you
a Masking Habit.
Mrs A.
But how can you send it, or how can I wear it, when both my Father and
Mother command me to wear another?
Fent.
Mrs Ford, you must know, has at my Request pretended severally to your
Father and Mother, that she is in each of their Interest, and has obtain'd from each
of them unknown to the other that you may be drest at her own House.
Mrs A.
Why this is rare management, but what is to be the Event of all?
Fent.
Can't you guess?
Mrs A.
Not I really.
Fent.
Why before morning you are to have me in your Arms.
Mrs A.
Why you have been drinking, Mr Fenton.
Fent.
Not a drop. About midnight you will find a Reverend Prebend in the
Park, who will devoutly tell you the very same thing.
Mrs A.
A Prebend in the Park at midnight?
Fent.
Ay, a very honest Fellow, whom I have perswaded to make pleasure a duty
with you.
Mrs A.
Will he have the face to pretend 'tis a Duty to disobey my Parents?
Fent.
Yes, if they pretend to separate you from your Husband, which you know
before Heav'n I am.
Mrs A.
But think of the consequence.
Fent.
Ay, the consequence! 'Tis the very thought of that dear consequence that
goads me on with pleasure.
Mrs A.
You rave! Think of the lasting terrible consequences of my Parents just
indignation?
-- 38 --
Fent.
You say you love me? Then how can they justly be displeas'd to find their
Daughter happy.
Mrs A.
Because nothing will content them but the making me miserable.
Fent.
Nor will that content them, consider a little, you are eagerly prest by Father
and Mother to make a different choice. And neither of them will easily be
brought to forgive the preference which you give the other. But 'tis so reasonable to
prefer your own inclination to theirs, that both will be easily induced to excuse
that.
Mrs A.
Ha! This I must confess is very like reason. (aside.) 'Tis my resolution to
disoblige neither of them.
Fent.
Then 'tis your resolution to make me happy, by giving me your hand to
night.
Mrs A.
That for my Soul I cannot resolve on.
Fent.
Your Reasons?
Mrs A.
At midnight at the Hunters Oak you shall have them.
Fent.
Then show me a happier mortal than I am. At midnight no reason
could ever stand against Love.
Mrs A.
But here comes my man, who has stood Centry by my Command, to
warn us against surprize.
Serv.
Sir, the Company below is enquiring for this young Lady, and they are coming
to seek her all over the House.
Fent.
Then Madam I take my leave of you. Be sure to remember the time appointed.
Exit Fenton.
Mrs A.
He would not fear my forgetfulness if he knew all. I carry an Officious
Gentleman Usher along with me, who will be sure to put me in mind. Love lacks
no Memory, tho he wants Eyes.
Enter Shallow, Slender.
Shall.
Mrs Page, your Servant.
Mrs A.
Your humble Servant, Sir.
Shall.
There's your Mistress, Cousin, speak for yourself.
Slend.
I'll make a Shaft or a Bolt on it, 'slid 'tis but venturing.
Shall.
Be not dismaid.
Slend.
No, she shall not dismay me. I care not for that, but I am afraid.
Shall.
Mistress Ann, my Cousin loves you.
Slend.
Ay, that I do as well, as I love any Woman in Gloucestershire.
Shall.
He will maintain you like a Gentlewoman.
Slend.
Ay, that I will, come cuf and long tail, under the degree of a Squire.
Shall.
He will make you two hundred pounds a year Joynture.
Mrs Ann.
Good Mr Shallow, let him speak for himself.
Shall.
Marry, I thank you for it, I thank you for that, good comfort, she calls
you, Coz, I leave you together.
Mrs A.
Now, Master Slender.
Slend.
Now, good Mrs Ann.
Mrs A.
What is your will?
Slend.
My will! ods Heartlings, that's a pretty jest indeed, I never made my will
in my Life; I am not such a sickly creature, I give Heav'n praise.
Mrs A.
I mean, Mr Slender, what would you with me?
Slend.
Truly for my own part, I would little or nothing with you. your Father
-- 39 --
and my Unkle have made motions. If it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his
dole. They can tell you how things go better than I can; you may ask your Father,
he'll be here presently.
Enter Simple.
Slend.
So Sirrah! Where have you been? Must I always wait upon my self?
Simple.
Sir, the Supper stays below for your Worship and this Gentlewoman.
Mrs A.
Will you be pleas'd to walk down, Sir?
Slend.
No, I thank you forsooth heartily, I am very well.
Mrs A.
The Supper attends you, Sir.
Slend.
Pray go, I am not a Hungry, I thank you forsooth. Go Sirrah, for all
you are my man, go wait upon my Unkle Shallow; a Justice of the Peace sometimes
may be beholden to his Friend for a man. I keep but three Men and a Boy yet, till
my Mother be dead; but what tho, yet I live, a poor Gentleman born.
Mrs A.
I dare not go down without you, I am sure they won't sit till you come.
Slend.
I'faith, I'll eat nothing, I thank you as much as if I did.
Mrs A.
Pray, Sir, walk down.
Slend.
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I receiv'd a Wound last Week in a
quarrel, and by my Troth I cannot abide the smell of hot meat ever since. Did not
you hear, Mrs Ann, of the quarrel which I had with the Fencing Master.
Mrs A.
No truly, Sir.
Slend.
I wish you had seen us. 'Tis true the Raskal broke my Head with a pint
Pot, but e'faith I told him his own tho—
Mrs A.
Broke your Head, Sir?
Slend.
Ay, cut it to the Skull, if it had gone never so little deeper, you might have
seen my Brains.
Mrs A.
That would have been a surprizing sight, Sir.
Slend.
Look here, Mrs Ann, you may feel a place soft place here.
Mrs A.
Sir, I believe you, without troubling you.
Slend.
What make your Dogs bark so? Be there Bears i'the Town?
Mrs A.
I think there are, Sir. I heard them talk'd of.
Slend.
I love the sport well; I hope shortly to see them in our Play-houses: But
tho I love the sport, I am as apt to quarrel at it as any man Breathing. You are
affraid if you see the Bear loose, are you not?
Mrs A.
Ay, indeed, Sir.
Slend.
That's Meat and Drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson lose twenty
times, and have taken him by the Chain. But I warrant the Women have so cried
and skriek'd at it, that it past. But Women indeed cannot abide them, they are very
ill-favour'd rough things.
Enter Page.
Page.
Come, gentle Mr Slender, we stay for you.
Slend.
I'll eat nothing, I thank you.
Page.
By Jove but you must, Sir. Hearkee Daughter, you remember what I said
to you, what Cloaths do you appoint for yourself, that the Gentleman may know
you?
Mrs A.
Red, Sir?
Page.
Very good, come Sir, the Supper stays for us.
Slend.
Nay, pray lead the way.
Mr Page.
Come on then, Sir.
-- 40 --
Slend.
Mrs Ann, yourself shall go first.
Mrs A.
Not I, Sir, indeed, pray keep on.
Slend.
Truly, I will not go first, truly now. I will not do you that wrong.
Mrs A.
Pray, Sir.
Slend.
I had rather be unmannerly than troublesom. You do your self wrong indeed
now.
Exeunt Page, Slend.
End of the Fourth Act.
John Dennis [1702], The Comical Gallant: or the Amours of Sir John Falstaffe. A comedy. As it is Acted at the Theatre Royal in Drury-lane. By his Majesty's Servants. By Mr Dennis. To which is added, A large Account of the Taste in Poetry, and the Causes of the Degeneracy of it (Printed and Sold by A. Baldwin [etc.], London) [word count] [S33900].
