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John Bell [1774], Bell's Edition of Shakespeare's Plays, As they are now performed at the Theatres Royal in London; Regulated from the Prompt Books of each House By Permission; with Notes Critical and Illustrative; By the Authors of the Dramatic Censor (Printed for John Bell... and C. Etherington [etc.], York) [word count] [S10401].
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SCENE II. Another Part of the same. Enter Sir Nathaniel, Holofernes, and Dull.

Hol.

Satis quod sufficit.

Nat.

I praise Heav'n for you, Sir; your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange without heresy. I did converse this quondam day with

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a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

Hol.

Novi hominem tanquam te: His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical: he is too piked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

Nat.

A most singular and choice epithet.

[Pulling out his Tables.

Hol.

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical phantasms, such insociable and point-devise companions; such rackers of orthography, as to speak, dout, fine, when he should say, doubt; det, when he should pronounce, debt; d, e, b, t, not d, e, t,: he clepeth a calf, cauf; half, hauf; neighbour, vocatur, nebour! neigh, abbreviated, ne: this is abhominable, (which he would call, abominable) it insinuateth me of insanie; Ne intelligis, domine? to make frantick, lunatic* note.

Nat.

Laus deo, bone intelligo.

Hol.

Bone? bone for bene: Priscian a little scratch'd a 'twill serve.

Enter Moth, Costard, and Armado.

Nat.

Videsne quis venit?

Hol.

Video, et gaudeo.

Arm.

Chirra!

[to Moth.

Hol.

Quare Chirra, not sirrah?

Arm.

Men of peace, well encounter'd.

Hol.

Most military Sir, salutation.

Mot.

They have been at a great feast of languages, and have stoln the scraps.

Cos.

O, they have liv'd long on the alms-basket of words! I marvel, thy master hath not eaten thee for a word; for thou art not so long by the head as, honorificabilitudinitatibus:

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thou art easier swallow'd than a flap-dragon.

Mot.

Peace; the peal begins.

Arm.

Monsieur, [to Hol.] are you not letter'd?

Mot.

Yes, yes; he teaches boys the horn-book:— What is a, b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?

Hol.

Ba, pueritia, with horn added.

Mot.

Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn:—You hear his learning.

Hol.

Quis, quis, thou consonant?

Mot.

The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or the fifth, if I.

Hol.

I will repeat them; a, e, i,—

Mot.

The sheep: the other two concludes it; o, u.

Arm.

Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet touch, a quick venew of wit: snip snap, quick and home; it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit.

Mot.

Offer'd by a child to an old man; which is, wit-old.

Hol.

What is the figure? what is the figure?

Mot.

Horns.

Hol.

Thou disput'st like an infant: go, whip thy gig.

Mot.

Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your infámie circum circá; a gig of a cuckold's horn!

Cos.

An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst have it to buy ginger-bread: hold, there is the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an the heavens were so pleased, that thou wert but my bastard! what a joyful father would'st thou make me? Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' end, as they say.

Hol.

O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.

Arm.

Arts-man, præambula; we will be singl'd from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house on the top of the mountain?

Hol.

Or, mons, the hill.

Arm.

At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain?

Hol.

I do, sans question.

Arm.

Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and affection, to congratulate the princess at her pavilion,

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in the posteriors of this day; which the rude multitude call, the afternoon.

Hol.

The posterior of the day, most generous Sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for the afternoon: the word is well cull'd, chose; sweet and apt, I do assure you, Sir, I do assure.

Arm.

Sir, the king is a noble gentleman; and my familiar, I do assure you, my very good friend: For what is inward between us, let it pass:—I do beseech thee, refrain thy courtesy: I beseech thee apparel thy head:—and among other importunate and most serious designs,—and of great import, indeed, too; but let that pass:—for I must tell thee, it will please his grace, (by the world) sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder; and with his royal finger, thus, dally with my excrement, with my mustachio: but, sweet heart, let that pass: By the world, I recount no fable; some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world: but let that pass. The very all of all is,—but, sweet heart, I do implore secresy,—that the King would have me present the Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antick, or firework: now, understanding that the curate, and your sweet self, are good at such eruptions and sudden breakings-out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to crave your assistance* note.

Hol.

Sir, you shall present before her the nine worthies. —Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to be render'd by our assistance,—at the King's command; and this most gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, —before the Princess; I say, none so fit as to present the nine worthies.

Nat.

Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

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Hol.

Joshua, yourself; myself, or this gallant gentleman, Judas Maccabæus; this swain, because of his great limb or joint, shall pass for Pompey the great; the page, Hercules.

Arm.

Pardon, Sir, error: he is not quantity enough for that worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club.

Hol.

Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in minority: his enter and exit shall be, strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

Mot.

An excellent device! so, if any of the audience hiss, you may cry, Well done, Hercules! now thou crushest the snake! that is the way to make an offence gracious; though few have the grace to do it.

Arm.

For the rest of the worthies?—

Hol.

I will play three myself.

Mot.

Thrice-worthy gentleman!

Arm.

Shall I tell you a thing?

Hol.

We attend.

Arm.

We will have, if this fadge not, an antick. I beseech you follow.

Hol.

Via, goodman, Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

Dul.

Nor understood none neither, Sir.

Hol.

Allons! we will employ thee.

Dul.

I'll make one in a dance, or so: or I will play on the tabor to the worthies, and let them dance the hay.

Hol.

Most dull, honest Dull, to our sport, away* note.

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John Bell [1774], Bell's Edition of Shakespeare's Plays, As they are now performed at the Theatres Royal in London; Regulated from the Prompt Books of each House By Permission; with Notes Critical and Illustrative; By the Authors of the Dramatic Censor (Printed for John Bell... and C. Etherington [etc.], York) [word count] [S10401].
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