Verges, with the Watch.* note
Dogb.
Are you good men, and true?
Verg.
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
Dogb.
Nay, that were a punishment too good for
them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being
chosen for the prince's watch.
Verg.
Well, give them their charge, neighbour
Dogberry.
Dogb.
First, who think you the most disartless man
to be constable?
1 Watch.
Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for
they can write and read.
Dogb.
Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. Heav'n
-- 352 --
hath blest you with a good name: to be a well-favour'd
man, is the gift of fortune, but to write and
read, comes by nature.
2 Watch.
Both which, master constable—
Dogb.
You have.
2 Watch.
I have.
Dogb.
I knew it would be your answer. Well, for
your favour, sir, why, give Heav'n thanks, and make
no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
let that appear when there is no need of such vanity.
You are thought here, to be the most senseless and
fit man for the constable of the watch, therefore, bear
you the lanthorn: this is your charge; you shall comprehend
all vagrom men; you are to bid any man
stand, in the prince's name.
2 Watch.
How, if he will not stand?
Dogb.
Why then, take no note of him, but let him
go, and presently call the rest of the watch together,
and thank Heav'n you are rid of a knave.
Verg.
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is
none of the prince's subjects.
Dogb.
True, and they are to meddle with none but
the prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
the streets; for the watch to babble and talk, is most
tolerable, and not to be endur'd.
2 Watch.
We will rather sleep, than talk; we know
what belongs to a watch.
Dogb.
Why, you speak like an ancient and most
quiet watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should
offend; only have a care that your bills be not stolen.
Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid
them that are drunk get them to bed.
2 Watch.
How, if they will not?
Dogb.
Why then let them alone 'till they are sober;
if they make you not then the better answer, you may
say, they are not the men you took them for.
2 Watch.
Well, sir,
Dogb.
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him,
by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and for
such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with
them, why, the more is for your honesty.
-- 353 --
2 Watch.
If we know him to be a thief, shall we
not lay hands on him?
Dogb.
Truly, by your office, you may; but I think
they that touch pitch, will be defil'd; the most peaceable
way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
shew himself what he is, and steal out of your company.
Verg.
You have been always call'd a merciful man,
partner.
Dogb.
Truly I would not hang a dog, by my will,
much more a man who hath any honesty in him.
Verg.
If you hear a child cry in the night, you
must call to the nurse, and bid her still it.
2 Watch.
How if the nurse be asleep, and will not
hear us?
Dogb.
Why then, depart in peace, and let the child
wake her with crying: for a ewe that will not hear
her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf, when
he bleats.
Verg.
'Tis very true.
Dogb.
This is the end of the charge. You, constable,
are to present the prince's own person; if you
meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.
Verg.
Nay, bi'rlady, that I think he cannot.
Dogb.
Five shillings to one on't, with any man that
knows the statues, he may stay him; marry, not without
the prince be willing: for indeed, the watch
ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
man against his will.
Verg.
Bi'rlady, I think it be so.
Dog.
Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night; an
there be any matter of weight chances, call me up;
keep your fellows' council and your own, and good
night. Come neighbour.
2 Watch.
Well, masters, we hear our charge; let
us go sit here, upon the church-bench, 'till two, and
then all to bed.
Dogb.
One word more, honest neighbours. I pray
you, watch about Signior Leonato's door, for the wedding
-- 354 --
being there, to-morrow, there is a great coil, tonight.
Adieu; be vigilant, I beseech you.
[Exeunt Dogb. and Verg.
Enter Borachio and Conrade.
Bora.
What, Conrade!
1 Watch.
Peace, stir not.
[Aside.
Bora.
Conrade, I say.
Conr.
Here, man, I am at thy elbow.
Bora.
Stand near me, and I will, like a true drunkard,
utter all to thee.
1 Watch.
Some treason, masters; yet stand close.
Bora.
Therefore, know, I have earned, of Don
John, a thousand ducats.
Conr.
Is it possible that any villany should be so
dear?
Bora.
Thou should'st rather ask if it were possible
any villany should be so cheap! for when rich villains
have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
price they will.
Conr.
I wonder at it.
Bora.
That shews thou art unconfirm'd; thou
knowest that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a
cloak, is nothing to a man.
Conr.
Yes, it is apparel.
Bora.
I mean the fashion.
Conr.
Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
Bora.
Tush, I may as well say, the fool's the fool.
But seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion
is?
1 Watch.
I know that Deformed; he has been a vile
thief, this seven years; he goes up and down, like a
gentleman. I remember his name.
Bora.
Didst thou not hear some body?
Conr.
No, 'twas the vane on the house.
Bora.
Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief,
this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the
hot bloods, between fourteen and five and thirty.
Conr.
Are not thou, thyself, giddy with the fashion,
-- 355 --
that thou hast shifted out of thy tale, into telling me
of the fashion?
Bora.
Not so, neither. But know, that I havv
to-night, woo'd Margaret, the lady Hero's gentlewoman,
by the name of Hero. She leans me out, at her
mistress's chamber-window; bids me a thousand times
good night—I tell this tale, vilely—I should
first tell thee how the prince, Claudio, and my master,
planted, and placed, and possessed by my master, Don
John, saw far off in the orchard, this amiable encounter.
Conr.
And thought they Margaret was Hero?
Bora.
Two of them did, the prince and Claudio;
but the devil, my master, knew she was Margaret.
Away went Claudio enraged, swore he would meet
her, as he was appointed next morning at the temple,
and there, before the whole congregation, shame her
with what he saw o'er night, and send her home again
without a husband.
1 Watch.
We charge you, in the prince's name,
stand.
2 Watch.
Call up the right master constable; we
have here recovered the most dangerous piece of
lechery, that ever was known in the common-wealth.
1 Watch.
And one Deformed, is one of them: I
know him, he wears a lock.
Conr.
Masters, masters.
2 Watch.
You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I
warrant you.
Conr.
Masters—
1 Watch.
Never speak, we charge you, let us obey
you to go with us.
Bora.
We are like to prove a goodly commodity,
being taken up of these men's bills.
[Exeunt.
-- 356 --
John Bell [1774], Bell's Edition of Shakespeare's Plays, As they are now performed at the Theatres Royal in London; Regulated from the Prompt Books of each House By Permission; with Notes Critical and Illustrative; By the Authors of the Dramatic Censor (Printed for John Bell... and C. Etherington [etc.], York) [word count] [S10401].
