[figure description] Page 344.[end figure description]

“Mr. Emberton!” exclaimed Alice, indignantly, “you
had no right to kiss me! and I request as a favor, sir,
that you will not repeat the offense!”

Mr. Emberton looked surprised.

“Offense?” he said.

“Yes, sir! It was an offense!”

“You astonish me, Miss Alice—upon my word you do.”

“If other young ladies permit gentlemen to take such
liberties,” replied the young girl, in an offended tone, “I,
at least do not, sir.”

“I was not aware that I had been guilty of taking
liberties, Miss Alice,” said Mr. Robert Emberton, tranquilly.
“I looked upon the thing as a matter of course;
quite mathematical! and I reduce the thing to an algebraic
equation thus—a sleigh ride plus a young lady and
a bridge, equal to one kiss; or more scientifically stated,
x + y = z.”

But seeing that these bantering words were very far
from removing the young girl's ill-humor:

“Seriously speaking, Miss Alice,” continued the young
man, “I do not think my conduct—dreadful word that,
always means mischief—has been so outrageous. Things
are proper or improper as they are regarded in the light
of abstract propriety, or conventional propriety. Now I
maintain that convention—mighty and terrible force as
the philosophers say—absolves me for my—conduct; yes,
I repeat that terrible word; absolves me from any blame.
And why?

`The why is plain as way to Parish Church.'

[figure description] Page 345.[end figure description]

as Jacques says; excuse me, I don't often quote Shakspeare—
it bores me.”

“Mr. Emberton, you make every thing ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous?—every thing is ridiculous! Ridiculous?
It is the essence of life—the staple of our being—ridiculousness—
folly. I am exceedingly ridiculous myself,
Miss Alice, confidentially speaking; don't mention it,
since I would say as much only to you. But let me
achieve by one bold stroke my pardon. I was about to
say that convention, among many other things, has
decided that a gentleman may, while waltzing, clasp a
lady in his arms with fraternal affection, although he may
be a perfect stranger to the said lady; it has also quite
settled the propriety of kissing when bridges are crossed
in sleighs—”

“It was not a bridge!” interrupted Alice, recovering
from her ill-humor somewhat.

“Not a bridge! not a bridge which we crossed some
moments since?” exclaimed Mr. Emberton, with well
counterfeited surprise.

“Certainly not, sir!”

“It certainly was!”

“Thank you for contradicting me, sir,” said Alice.

“Contradicting you!”

“I said it was not a bridge—you say it is; pray is not
that a contradiction, sir?”

“By no means.”

“Why not?”

“Because the spirit of contradiction is wanting,” replied
Mr. Emberton, with ready and nice philosophic discrimination.
“If you say, `I think it is not a bridge,' and I
reply with all deference, `I think, madam, it is an excellent
one'—the simple question arises, which of us is mistaken.
If you say, `It is a bridge,' and I reply, `It is
not,' then there is some opening for a charge of contradiction—
to be decided in due course by the duello. A bridge

[figure description] Page 346.[end figure description]

is a very good thing to fight on—at Lodi, for instance.
But I see I am boring you, and I begin to feel the approach
of the foe myself, evoked, which is worse, by myself. I
will therefore state that there formerly was a bridge at
the point we crossed, and that bridge is no doubt now
beneath the current. I believe you are not doing me the
honor of listening very attentively to my profound philosophical
remarks, Miss Alice,” continued Mr. Emberton,
with great equanimity; “what are you looking at?”

“The mountains; they are very beautiful. Are they
not?”

“Oh, charming,” replied Mr. Robert Emberton, well
content that Alice had regained her good-humor, “not
equal to Mont Blanc, however, I imagine.”

“No, I suppose not; Max could tell us.”

It now became Mr. Emberton's turn for complaining.

“You are no doubt, somewhat disappointed at our
arrangement to-day,” he said, “are you not?”

“What arrangement, pray?”

“Mr. Courtlandt with Miss Caroline, and yourself consequently
bored by your humble servant?”

“I am never bored, sir,” said Alice, unconsciously
turning round to look at Caroline and her cousin.

“Which is as much as to say you are not bored on
this occasion, simply from the fact that the feeling is unknown
to you, eh?”

“No, sir.”

“You are pleased with my society then?” asked Mr.
Emberton with logical deduction.

“Delighted, sir!” said Alice, smiling.

“Consider yourself profoundly saluted,” said Mr. Emberton,
inclining.

“And what do you say to my society?” asked Alice,
laughing.

“It is charming, as it always is, my dear Miss Alice.”

“You are sure you would not prefer Caroline's?”

[figure description] Page 347.[end figure description]

“Oh, perfectly sure!”

“Caroline with her vivacity and delightful flow of
spirits—”

“I like you best!”

“And so much prettier than I am,” said Alice, looking
wistfully back.

“Who could imagine such a thing?”

“Then,” said Alice, “you can not complain of the `arrangement?”'

“No, no; but you can. There is that elegant young
traveled gentleman, Mr. Courtlandt, whom you have
missed; your cousin too—cousins are so agreeable, you
know,” said Mr. Emberton with some gloom. “He could
tell you, as you said, all about Mount Blanc and Italy.”

“He does not talk much.”

“He seems to be tolerably well engaged in conversation
now,” muttered Mr. Emberton.

“He is fond of cousin Caroline,” said Alice, in the
same tone.

“Yes?” said Mr. Emberton, frowning like Bombastes
Furioso.

“And she of him,” said Alice.

“No!” exclaimed Mr. Emberton.

“Indeed I am in earnest—of course I mean Carry
thinks him agreeable.”

“She thinks me very disagreeable.”

“And Max thinks as much of me,” said Alice, turning
away her head.

Mr. Emberton suddenly remembered himself, and again
assumed his languid petit maître manner.

“Likes and dislikes are a great bore,” he yawned.
“The only good thing in life is a fast horse; you do feel
then as if you had blood in your veins. A spanker, eh?”
continued Mr. Emberton, languidly pointing to his flying
animal.

“Oh, certainly,” said Alice.

Previous section

Next section