Quickly.
Fal.
Pr'ythee, no more prattling:—go.—I'll
hold5 note
: This is the third time; I hope, good luck
lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there is
divinity in odd numbers6 note
, either in nativity, chance,
or death.—Away.
Quick.
I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what
I can to get you a pair of horns.
Fal.
Away, I say; time wears: hold up your
head, and mince7 note
.
[Exit Mrs. Quickly.
-- 178 --
Enter Ford.
How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter
will be known to-night, or never. Be you in
the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you
shall see wonders.
Ford.
Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you
told me you had appointed?
Fal.
I went to her, master Brook, as you see,
like a poor old man: but I came from her, master
Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave,
Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of
jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed
frenzy. I will tell you.—He beat me grievously,
in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man,
master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's
beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle8 note. I am
in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master
Brook. Since I plucked geese9 note, played truant,
and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be
beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange
things of this knave Ford: on whom to-night I
will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into
your hand.—Follow: Strange things in hand,
master Brook! follow.
[Exeunt.
-- 179 --
SCENE II.
Windsor Park.
Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender.
Page.
Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-ditch,
till we see the light of our fairies.—Remember,
son Slender, my daughter1 note.
Slen.
Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and
we have a nay-word2 note, how to know one another. I
come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget3 note;
and by that we know one another.
Shal.
That's good too: but what needs either
your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher
her well enough.—It hath struck ten o'clock.
Page.
The night is dark; light and spirits will
become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No
man means evil but the devil4 note
, and we shall know
him by his horns. Let's away; follow me.
[Exeunt.
-- 180 --
SCENE III.
The Street in Windsor.
Enter Mrs Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius.
Mrs. Page.
Master Doctor, my daughter is in
green: when you see your time, take her by the
hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch
it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must
go together.
Caius.
I know vat I have to do; Adieu.
Mrs. Page.
Fare you well, sir. [Exit Caius.]
My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse
of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying
my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little
chiding, than a great deal of heart-break.
Mrs. Ford.
Where is Nan now, and her troop
of fairies? and the Welch devil, Hugh5 note
?
-- 181 --
Mrs. Page.
They are all couched in a pit hard
by Herne's oak6 note, with obscured lights; which, at
the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they
will at once display to the night.
Mrs. Ford.
That cannot choose but amaze him.
Mrs. Page.
If he be not amazed, he will be
mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be
mocked.
Mrs. Ford.
We'll betray him finely.
Mrs. Page.
Against such lewdsters, and their lechery,
Those that betray them do no treachery.
Mrs. Ford.
The hour draws on; To the oak, to
the oak!
[Exeunt.
SCENE IV.
Windsor Park.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans, and Fairies.
Eva.
Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember
your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the
pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid
you; Come, come; trib, trib.
[Exeunt.
-- 182 --
SCENE V.
Another Part of the Park.
Enter Falstaff disguised, with a Buck's Head on.
Fal.
The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the
minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist
me:—Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy
Europa; love set on thy horns.—O powerful love!
that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in
some other, a man a beast.—You were also, Jupiter,
a swan, for the love of Leda;—O, omnipotent
love! how near the god drew to the complexion of
a goose!—A fault done first in the form of a
beast;—O Jove, a beastly fault! and then another
fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove;
a foul fault.—When gods have hot backs, what
shall poor men do7 note
? For me, I am here a Windsor
stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: Send
me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to
piss my tallow8 note
? Who comes here? my doe?
-- 183 --
Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page.
Mrs. Ford.
Sir John? art thou there, my deer?
my male deer?
Fal.
My doe with the black scut?—Let the sky
rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green
Sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes;
let there come a tempest of provocation9 note
, I will
shelter me here.
[Embracing her.
-- 184 --
Mrs. Ford.
Mistress Page is come with me,
sweetheart.
Fal.
Divide me like a bribe-buck1 note
, each a
haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders
for the fellow of this walk2 note
, and my horns I
bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman3 note
? ha!
-- 185 --
Speak I like Herne the hunter?—Why, now is
Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution.
As I am a true spirit, welcome!
[Noise within.
Mrs. Page.
Alas! what noise?
Mrs. Ford.
Heaven forgive our sins!
Fal.
What should this be?
Mrs. Ford., Mrs. Page.
Away, away.
[They run off.
Fal.
I think, the devil will not have me damned,
lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire;
he would never else cross me thus.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satyr; Mrs. Quickly,
and Pistol; Anne Page, as the Fairy Queen,
attended by her brother and others, dressed like
fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads4 note.
Quick.
Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,
You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night,
-- 186 --
You orphan-heirs of fixed destiny5 note
,
Attend your office, and your quality6 note.—
Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy o-yes.
Pist.
Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys7 note
.
-- 187 --
Cricket, to Windsor chimnies shalt thou leap:
Where fires thou find'st unrak'd8 note
, and hearths unswept,
There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry9 note
:
Our radient queen hates sluts, and sluttery.
Fal.
They are fairies; he, that speaks to them, shall die:
I'll wink and couch: No man their works must eye.
[Lies down upon his face.
Eva.
Where's Pede1 note?—Go you, and where you find a maid,
That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
Raise up the organs of her fantasy2 note
,
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy;
-- 188 --
But those as sleep, and think not on their sins,
Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.
-- 189 --
Quick.
About, about;
Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out:
Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room3 note;
That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
In state as wholesome4 note
, as in state 'tis fit;
Worthy the owner, and the owner it5 note
.
The several chairs of order look you scour
With juice of balm6 note
, and every precious flower:
-- 190 --
Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,
With loyal blazon, ever more be blest!
And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing,
Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring:
The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
And, Hony soit qui mal y pense, write,
In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white;
Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery7 note
,
Buckled below fair knight-hood's bending knee:
Fairies use flowers for their charactery8 note
.
-- 191 --
Away; disperse: But, till 'tis one o'clock,
Our dance of custom, round about the oak
Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.
Eva.
Pray you, lock hand in hand9 note
; yourselves in order set:
And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,
To guide our measure round about the tree.
But, stay; I smell a man of middle earth1 note
.
-- 192 --
Fal.
Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy!
lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!
Pist.
Vile worm2 note
, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth3 note.
Quick.
With trial-fire touch me his finger-end4 note
:
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
And turn him to no pain5 note
; but if he start,
It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.
-- 193 --
Pist.
A trial, come.
Eva.
Come, will this wood take fire?
[They burn him with their tapers.
Fal.
Oh, oh, oh!
Quick.
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme:
And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.
Eva.
It is right; indeed6 note
he is full of lecheries
and iniquity.
Song.
Fye on sinful fantasy!
Fye on lust and luxury7 note!
Lust is but a bloody fire8 note
,
Kindled with unchaste desire,
Fed in heart; whose flames aspire,
As thoughts do blow them higher and higher.
Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
Pinch him for his villainy;
-- 194 --
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,
Till candles, and star-light, and moonshine be out.
During this song9 note, the fairies pinch Falstaff1 note,
Doctor Caius comes one way, and steals away a
fairy in green; Slender another way, and takes
off a fairy in white; and Fenton comes, and
steals away Mrs. Anne Page. A noise of hunting
is made within. All the fairies run away.
Falstaff pulls off his buck's head, and rises.
Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, and Mrs. Ford.
They lay hold on him.
Page.
Nay, do not fly: I think, we have watch'd you now;
Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?
Mrs. Page.
I pray you come; hold up the jest no higher:—
Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes
Become the forest better than the town2 note
?
-- 195 --
Ford.
Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?—Master
Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here
are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook,
he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket,
his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money;
which must be paid to master Brook3 note; his horses
are arrested for it, master Brook.
Mrs. Ford.
Sir John, we have had ill luck; we
could never meet. I will never take you for my
love again, but I will always count you my deer.
Fal.
I do begin to perceive that I am made an
ass.
Ford.
Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are
extant.
Fal.
And these are not fairies? I was three or
four times in the thought, they were not fairies:
and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprize
-- 196 --
of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery
into a received belief, in despite of the teeth
of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies.
See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent4 note
,
when 'tis upon ill employment!
Eva.
Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave
your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
Ford.
Well said, fairy Hugh.
Eva.
And leave you your jealousies too, I pray
you.
Ford.
I will never mistrust my wife again, till
thou art able to woo her in good English.
Fal.
Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried
it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching
as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat
too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize5 note? 'tis time
I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva.
Seese is not good to give putter; your
pelly is all putter.
Fal.
Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at
-- 197 --
the taunt of one that makes fritters of English?
This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking,
through the realm.
Mrs. Page.
Why, sir John, do you think, though
we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by
the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves
without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could
have made you our delight?
Ford.
What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Mrs. Page.
A puffed man?
Page.
Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable
entrails?
Ford.
And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
Page.
And as poor as Job?
Ford.
And as wicked as his wife?
Eva.
And given to fornications, and to taverns,
and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings,
and swearings, and starings, pribbles and
prabbles?
Fal.
Well, I am your theme: you have the start
of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer
the Welch flannel6 note
: ignorance itself is a plummet
o'er me7 note
: use me as you will.
-- 198 --
Ford.
Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to
one master Brook, that you have cozened of money,
to whom you should have been a pander: over and
above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that
money will be a biting affliction.
Mrs. Ford.
Nay, husband8 note, let that go to make amends;
Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.
Ford.
Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last.
Page.
Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat
a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire
thee to laugh at my wife9 note, that now laughs at
-- 199 --
thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married her
daughter.
Mrs. Page.
Doctors doubt that: If Anne Page
be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius'
wife.
[Aside.
Enter Slender.
Slen.
Whoo, ho! ho! father Page!
Page.
Son! how now? how now, son? have
you despatched?
Slen.
Despatched!—I'll make the best in Glocestershire
know on't; would I were hanged, la,
else.
Page.
Of what, son?
Slen.
I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress
Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it
had not been i' the church, I would have swinged
him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not
think it had been Anne Page, would I might never
stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy.
Page.
Upon my life then you took the wrong.
Slen.
What need you tell me that? I think so,
when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married
to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would
not have had him.
Page.
Why, this is your own folly. Did not I
tell you, how you should know my daughter by her
garments?
Slen.
I went to her in white1 note, and cry'd, mum,
and she cryed budget, as Anne and I had appointed;
and yet it was not Anne, but a post-
master's boy.
-- 200 --
Eva.
Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but
marry boys2 note?
Page.
O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do?
Mrs. Page.
Good George, be not angry: I knew
of your purpose; turned my daughter into green;
and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the
deanery, and there married.
Enter Caius.
Caius.
Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am
cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan,
by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar,
I am cozened.
Mrs. Page.
Why, did you take her in green?
Caius.
Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll
raise all Windsor.
[Exit Caius.
Ford.
This is strange: Who hath got the right
Anne?
Page.
My heart misgives me: Here comes
master Fenton.
Enter Fenton and Anne Page.
How now, master Fenton?
Anne.
Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!
Page.
Now mistress? how chance you went
not with master Slender?
Mrs. Page.
Why went you not with master doctor, maid?
Fent.
You do amaze her3 note
: Hear the truth of it.
-- 201 --
You would have married her most shamefully,
Where there was no proportion held in love.
The truth is, She and I, long since contracted,
Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us.
The offence is holy, that she hath committed:
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
Of disobedience, or unduteous title;
Since therein she doth evitate and shun
A thousand irreligious cursed hours,
Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.
Ford.
Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy:—
In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state;
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Fal.
I am glad, though you have ta'en a special
stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.
Page.
Well, what remedy4 note
? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd.
Fal.
When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chas'd5 note.
-- 202 --
Eva.
I will dance and eat plums at your wedding6 note
.
Mrs. Page.
Well, I will muse no further:—Master Fenton,
Heaven give you many, many merry days!—
Good husband, let us every one go home,
And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire;
Sir John and all.
Ford.
Let it be so:—Sir John,
To master Brook you yet shall hold your word;
For he, to-night, shall lie with mistress Ford7.
[Exeunt.
