Hugh Evans.
Shal.
Sir Hugh1 note
10Q0012, persuade me not; I will make
a Star-chamber matter of it2 note
: if he were twenty
-- 8 --
sir John Falstaff's, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
esquire.
Slen.
In the county of Gloster, justice of peace,
and coram.
Shal.
Ay, cousin Slender, and Cust-alorum3 note
.
-- 9 --
Slen.
Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman
born, master parson; who writes himself armigero4 note;
in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation,
armigero.
Shal.
Ay, that I do; and have done5 note
any time
these three hundred years.
Slen.
All his successors, gone before him, hath
don't; and all his ancestors, that come after him,
may: they may give the dozen white luces in their
coat.
Shal.
It is an old coat.
Eva.
The dozen white louses do become an old
coat well6 note; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar
beast to man, and signifies—love7 note
.
-- 10 --
Shal.
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is
an old coat8 note
.
-- 11 --
Slen.
I may quarter, coz?
Shal.
You may, by marrying.
-- 12 --
Eva.
It is marring, indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal.
Not a whit.
Eva.
Yes, per-lady; if he has a quarter of your
coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one: If sir John
Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you,
I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence,
to make atonements and compremises
between you.
Shal.
The Council shall hear it; it is a riot9 note
.
-- 13 --
Eva.
It is not meet the Council hear a riot;
there is no fear of Got in a riot: the Council, look
you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to
hear a riot; take your vizaments in that1 note
.
Shal.
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the
sword should end it.
Eva.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and
end it: and there is also another device in my prain,
which, peradventure, prings goot discretions with
it: There is Anne Page, which is daughter to master
George Page2 note
, which is pretty virginity.
Slen.
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown
hair, and speaks small like a woman3 note
.
-- 14 --
Eva.
It is that fery person for all the orld, as
just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds
of monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire,
upon his death's-bed, (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!)
give, when she is able to overtake seventeen
years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave
our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage
between master Abraham, and mistress Anne Page.
Shal.
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred
pound4 note
?
-- 15 --
Eva.
Ay, and her father is make her a petter
penny.
Shal.
I know the young gentlewoman; she has
good gifts.
Eva.
Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is
good gifts.
Shal.
Well, let us see honest master Page: Is
Falstaff there?
Eva.
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as
I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one
that is not true. The knight, sir John, is there;
and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers.
I will peat the door [knocks] for master Page.
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Enter Page.
Page.
Who's there?
Eva.
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend,
and justice Shallow, and here young master Slender;
that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale,
if matters grow to your likings.
Page.
I am glad to see your worships well: I
thank you for my venison, master Shallow.
Shal.
Master Page, I am glad to see you; Much
good do it your good heart! I wished your venison
-- 16 --
better; it was ill kill'd:—How doth good mistress
Page?—and I thank you5 note always with my heart,
la; with my heart.
Page.
Sir, I thank you.
Shal.
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Page.
I am glad to see you, good master Slender.
Slen.
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I
heard say, he was out-run on Cotsall6 note
.
-- 17 --
Page.
It could not be judg'd, sir.
Slen.
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
Shal.
That he will not;—'tis your fault, 'tis your
fault8 note
:—'Tis a good dog.
Page.
A cur, sir.
Shal.
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; Can
there be more said? he is good, and fair. Is sir
John Falstaff here?
Page.
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do
a good office between you.
Eva.
It is spoke as a christians ought to speak.
Shal.
He hath wrong'd me, master Page.
Page.
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal.
If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is
not that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me;
indeed, he hath;—at a word, he hath;—believe
me;—Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith, he is wrong'd.
Page.
Here comes sir John.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.
Fal.
Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of
me to the king?
-- 18 --
Shal.
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed
my deer, and broke open my lodge9 note
.
Fal.
But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter?
Shal.
Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd.
Fal.
I will answer it straight;—I have done all
this:—That is now answer'd.
Shal.
The Council shall know this.
Fal.
'Twere better for you, if it were known in
counsel1 note
: you'll be laugh'd at.
-- 19 --
Eva.
Pauca verba, sir John, good worts.
Fal.
Good worts! good cabbage2 note
.—Slender, I
broke your head; What matter have you against
me?
Slen.
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head
against you; and against your coney-catching rascals3 note
,
Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me
to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards
picked my pocket4 note
.
-- 20 --
Bard.
You Banbury cheese5 note
!
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Pist.
How now, Mephostophilus6 note
?
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Nym.
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca7 note
; slice! that's
my humour.8 note
.
-- 21 --
Slen.
Where's Simple, my man?—can you tell,
cousin?
Eva.
Peace: I pray you. Now let us understand:
There is three umpires in this matter, as I
understand: that is—master Page, fidelicet, master
Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and
the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of
the Garter.
Page.
We three, to hear it, and end it between
them.
Eva.
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my
note-book; and we will afterwards 'orke upon the
cause, with as great discreetly as we can.
Fal.
Pistol,—
Pist.
He hears with ears.
Eva.
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this9 note,
He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations.
Fal.
Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse?
Slen.
Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I would
I might never come in mine own great chamber
again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences1 note
, and
two Edward shovel-boards2 note
, that cost me two shilling
-- 22 --
and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by
these gloves.
Fal.
Is this true, Pistol?
Eva.
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pist.
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!—Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo3 note
:
-- 23 --
Word of denial in thy labras here4 note
;
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest.
Slen.
By these gloves, then 'twas he.
Nym.
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I
-- 24 --
will say, marry trap5 note, with you, if you run the
nuthook's humour6 note
on me; that is the very note
of it.
Slen.
By this hat, then he in the red face had
it: for though I cannot remember what I did when
you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Fal.
What say you, Scarlet and John7 note?
Bard.
Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Eva.
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance
is!
Bard.
And being fap8 note
, sir, was, as they say,
cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires9 note
.
-- 25 --
Slen.
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis
no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Eva.
So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
Fal.
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen;
you hear it.
Enter Mistress Anne Page with Wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following.
Page.
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll
drink within.
[Exit Anne Page.
-- 26 --
Slen.
O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page.
Page.
How now, mistress Ford?
Fal.
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very
well met: by your leave, good mistress.
[Kissing her.
Page.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:—
Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner;
come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all
unkindness.
[Exeunt all but Shal., Slender, and Evans.
Slen.
I had rather than forty shillings, I had my
book of Songs and Sonnets here1 note
:—
Enter Simple.
How now, Simple! Where have you been? I must
wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of
Riddles2 note about you, have you?
Sim.
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it
-- 27 --
to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas3 note
?
Shal.
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you.
A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: There is,
as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off
by sir Hugh here;—Do you understand me?
Slen.
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it
be so, I shall do that that is reason.
Shal.
Nay, but understand me.
Slen.
So I do, sir.
Eva.
Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I
will description the matter to you, if you be capacity
of it.
Slen.
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says:
I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in
his country, simple though I stand here.
Eva.
But that is not the question; the question
is concerning your marriage.
Shal.
Ay, there's the point, sir.
Eva.
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress
Anne Page.
Slen.
Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon
any reasonable demands.
Eva.
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us
command to know that of your mouth, or of your
lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is
-- 28 --
parcel of the mouth4 note
;—Therefore precisely, can
you carry your good will to the maid?
Shal.
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love
her?
Slen.
I hope, sir, I will do, as it shall become
one that would do reason.
Eva.
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must
speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires
towards her.
Shal.
That you must: Will you, upon good
dowry, marry her?
Slen.
I will do a greater thing than that, upon
your request, cousin, in any reason.
Shal.
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet
coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you
love the maid?
Slen.
I will marry her, sir, at your request; but
if there be no great love in the beginning, yet
heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance,
when we are married, and have more occasion to
know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will
grow more contempt5 note
: but if you say, marry her,
-- 29 --
I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and
dissolutely.
Eva.
It is a fery discretion answer; save, the
faul'is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according
to our meaning, resolutely;—his meaning is good.
Shal.
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Slen.
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la.
Re-enter Anne Page.
Shal.
Here comes fair mistress Anne:—Would
I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne!
Anne.
The dinner is on the table; my father
desires your worships' company.
Shal.
I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne.
Eva.
Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at
the grace.
[Exeunt Shallow and Sir H. Evans.
Anne.
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
Slen.
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am
very well.
Anne.
The dinner attends you, sir.
Slen.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth:
Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon
my cousin Shallow6 note
: [Exit Simple.] A justice
-- 30 --
of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend
for a man:—I keep but three men and a boy yet7 note,
till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I
live like a poor gentleman born.
Anne.
I may not go in without your worship:
they will not sit, till you come.
Slen.
I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as
much as though I did.
Anne.
I pray you, sir, walk in.
Slen.
I had rather walk here, I thank you: I
bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword
and dagger with a master of fence8 note, (three veneys
-- 31 --
for a dish of stewed prunes9 note
;) and, by my troth, I
cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do
your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?
Anne.
I think, there are, sir; I heard them
talked of.
Slen.
I love the sport well; but I shall as soon
quarrel at it as any man in England:—You are
afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?
Anne.
Ay, indeed, sir.
Slen.
That's meat and drink to me now1 note
: I
-- 32 --
have seen Sackerson2 note
loose, twenty times; and
have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you,
the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it
pass'd3 note
:—but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em;
they are very ill-favoured rough things.
Re-enter Page.
Page.
Come, gentle master Slender, come; we
stay for you.
Slen.
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
Page.
By cock and pye4 note, you shall not choose,
sir: come, come.
-- 33 --
Slen.
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
Page.
Come on, sir.
Slen.
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Anne.
Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
Slen.
Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will
not do you that wrong.
Anne.
I pray you, sir.
Slen.
I'll rather be unmannerly, than troublesome:
you do yourself wrong, indeed, la.
[Exeunt.
James Boswell [1821], The plays and poems of William Shakspeare, with the corrections and illustrations of various commentators: comprehending A Life of the Poet, and an enlarged history of the stage, by the late Edmond Malone. With a new glossarial index (J. Deighton and Sons, Cambridge) [word count] [S10201].
