1 Draw.

What the devil hast thou brought there? apple-Johns? thou know'st sir John cannot endure an apple-John^{5 note}

2 Draw.

Mass, thou sayest true: The prince once set a dish of apple-John's before him: and told him, there were five more sir Johns: and, putting off his hat, said, I will now take my leave of

these six dry, round, old, withered knights. It angered him to the heart; but he hath forgot that.

1 Draw.

Why then, cover, and set them down: And see if thou canst find out Sneak's noise^{5 note}

2 Draw.

Sirrah, here will be the prince, and master Poins anon: and they will put on two of our jerkins, and aprons; and sir John must not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word.

1 Draw.

By the mass, here will be old utis^{7 note}

2 Draw.

I'll see, if I can find out Sneak.

Host.

I'faith, sweet heart, methinks now you are in an excellent good temperality: your pulsidge

beats^{8 note}



as extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose: But, i'faith, you have drunk too much canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood^{9 note}


ere one can say,—What's this? How do you now?

Dol.

Better than I was. Hem.

Host.

Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold. Look, here comes sir John.

Fal.

When Arthur first in court^{1 note}

Host.

Sick of a calm^{2 note}: yea, good sooth.

Fal.

So is all her sect^{3 note}

Dol.

You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?

Fal.

You make fat rascals^{4 note}

Dol.

I make them! gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not.

Fal.

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.

Dol.

Ay, marry; our chains, and our jewels.

Fal.

Your brooches, pearls, and owches^{5 note}

to serve bravely, is to come halting off, you know: To come off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers^{6 note}

Dol.

Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself* ^note!

Host.

By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never meet, but you fall to some discord: you are both, in good troth, as rheumatick^{7 note}

toasts^{8 note}; you cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What the good-year^{9 note}! one must bear, and that must be you: [To Doll.] you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.

Dol.

Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold.—Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and whether I shall ever see thee again, or no, there is nobody cares.

Draw.

Sir, ancient Pistol's^{1 note} below, and would speak with you.

Dol.

Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come hither: it is the foul mouth'dst rogue in England.

Host.

If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my faith; I must live amongst my neighbours; I'll no swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the very best:—Shut the door;—there comes no swaggerers here: I have not lived all this while, to have swaggering now:—shut the door, I pray you.

Fal.

Dost thou hear, hostess?—

Host.

Pray you, pacify yourself, sir John; there comes no swaggerers here^{2 note}.

Fal.

Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.

Host.

Tilly-fally^{3 note}, sir John, never tell me; your ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before master Tisick, the deputy, the other day; and, as he said to me,—it was no longer ago than Wednesday last,—Neighbour Quickly, says he;— master Dumb, our minister, was by then^{4 note};—Neighbour Quickly, says he, receive those that are civil; for, saith he, you are in all ill name;—now he said so, I can tell whereupon; for, says he, you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive: Receive, says he, no swaggering companions.—There comes none here;—you would bless you to hear what he said: —no, I'll no swaggerers.

Fal.

He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater^{5 note}

he; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound: he will not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.— Call him up, drawer.

Host.

Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater^{5 note}: But I do not love swaggering; by my troth, I am the worse, when one says—swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant you.

Dol.

So you do, hostess.

Host.

Do I? yea, in very truth do I, an 'twere an aspen leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.

Pist.

'Save you, sir John!

Fal.

Welcome ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine hostess.

Pist.

I will discharge upon her, sir John, with two bullets.

Fal.

She is pistol-proof, sir, you shall hardly offend her.

Host.

Come, I'll drink no proofs, nor no bullets: I'll drink no more than will do me good, for no man's pleasure, I^{6 note}

Pist.

Then to you, mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.

Dol.

Charge me? I scorn you, scurvy companion. What! you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

Pist.

I know you, mistress Dorothy.

Dol.

Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung^{7 note}, away! by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in

your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me^{8 note}. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!—Since when, I pray you, sir?—What, with two points^{9 note} on your shoulder? much^{1 note}

Pist.

I will murder your ruff for this.

Fal.

No more, Pistol^{2 note}; I would not have you go off here: discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.

Host.

No, good captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.

Dol.

Captain! thou abominable damned cheater^{3 note}






,

art thou not ashamed to be called—captain? If captains were of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a captain, you slave! for what? for tearing a poor whore's ruff in a bawdyhouse? —He a captain! Hang him, rogue! He lives upon mouldy stewed prunes, and dried cakes^{4 note}. A captain! these villains will make the word captain as odious as the word occupy^{5 note}

excellent good word before it was ill sorted* ^note: therefore captains had need look to it.

Bard.

Pray thee, go down, good ancient.

Fal.

Hark thee hither, mistress Doll.

Pist.

Not I: tell thee what, corporal Bardolph;— I could tear her:—I'll be revenged on her.

Page.

Pray thee go down.

Pist.

I'll see her damned first;—to Pluto's damned lake, to the infernal deep, with Erebus† ^note and tortures vile also^{6 note}









. Hold hook and line^{7 note}

Down! down, dogs! down faitors* ^{note8 note}

Host.

Good captain Peesel, be quiet; it is very late, i' faith: I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

Pist.
These be good humours, indeed! Shall packhorses,
And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia^{1 note}

Which cannot go but thirty miles a day,
Compare with Cæsars, and with Cannibals^{2 note}

Host.

By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

Bard.

Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to a brawl anon.

Pist.

Die men, like dogs^{4 note}

; give crowns like pins; Have we not Hiren here?

Host.

O' my word, captain, there's none such

here^{5 note}

Pist.
Then, feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis^{6 note}

Si fortuna me tormenta, sperato me contenta^{7 note}

Fal.

Pistol, I would be quiet.

Pist.

Sweet knight, I kiss thy neif^{9 note}

Dol.

Thrust him down stairs; I cannot endure such a fustian rascal.

Pist.

Thrust him down stairs! know we not Galloway nags^{1 note}?

Fal.

Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shovegroat shilling^{2 note}

Bard.

Come, get you down stairs.

Pist.
What! shall we have incision? shall we imbrue?— [Snatching up his sword.
Then death rock me asleep^{3 note}

Host.

Here's goodly stuff toward!

Fal.

Give me my rapier, boy.

Dol.

I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.

Fal.

Get you down stairs.

Host.

Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder, I warrant now.—Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.